Most Active Discussions (2) Discussions (11) | "but it happened to my sister." | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | An English man, Irishman and a Scottishman are sitting in a pub full of people. The Englishman says, "The pubs in England are the best. You can buy one drink and get a second one free". Everyone in the pub agreed and gave a big cheer. The Scottishman says,"..yeah. That's quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free." Again, the crowd in the pub gave a big cheer. The Irish man says "Your two pubs are good, but they are not as good as the ones in Ireland. In Ireland you can buy one pint, get another 3 for free and then get taken into the backroom for a shag"
The English says "WOW! Did that happen to you?" and the Irishman replies "No, but it happened to my sister."
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Drivers License | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. It is not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?"
And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Hiking | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand new bike.
"Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. "It must have cost over 300 dollars!"
"I earned it hiking," replied the boy.
"Hiking??? Come on son, tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can make that sort of money hiking. Where did you Really get the cash from?"
"It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr Burns fromthe bank would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a 20 dollar bill and tell me to take a hike"!
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | The Good Wife's Guide(A good wife always knows her place) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | I must say, my husband had a little too much glee in his voice when he handed me this page he received via fax. I hate re-typing (about as much as I hate housework in general) but this one was too good to not post.
"We've come a long way, baby!!!"
Without further ado.....
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
Your goal: To try and make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
A good wife always knows her place.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Things Not To Say To Your Wife | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Maybe you can say anything to your wife. What do I know? But if you're like most of us, you probably have to think twice. Here are some no-no's you might want to avoid:
* "Bad hair day?"
* "Did you decide to cut your own hair?"
* "What do you call that hairstyle, ugly chaos?"
* "No!" (Most of the time, your answer should be, 'yes.' Duh. Unless of course they ask the, 'Is my butt too big' question.)
* "Gain a few pounds, did you?"
* "Sex? No, thanks. It puts me to sleep."
* "Well, that was stupid." (About something they did. It's okay to call anything YOU do, stupid.)
* "You're funny looking!"
* "No, it was just plain your fault."
* "I'm right and you're wrong and that's IT."
* "What? Something different you say? Did you finally get a nose job?"
* "Because I go to work before you get up and finish cleaning up the kitchen and putting the kids to bed after you go to sleep, I do, in fact, work harder than you do."
* "Actually, I am smarter than you are."
* "Talk? You mean, as in you shut up and listen at least part of the time?"
* "Have you aged? I don't know. I don't look at you."
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | The Twilight Saga: Eclipse 2010 movie review by Kate | Add a comment » | Started by Liz Kate, Owner at Coffee Break With Liz and Kate | | Eclipse review = Kate says -3 stars "I'll just be upfront at the beginning of this review and tell you that I am a fan of the Twilight series, and therefore, not an entirely (or even somewhat) objective reviewer of this film. That being said...
By Liz Kate, Owner at Coffee Break With Liz and Kate | | Husband to Wife(Note found on the refrigerator one morning) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 'My Dear Honey,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54
years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you
as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will
not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my
18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset I shall be home before midnight.'
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
'My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54
years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are
also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I
would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel
Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis
coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is
18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge
of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although
with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes
into 18.
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.'
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | BLonde Husband n Wife | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A blonde guy is getting off early from work so he decides to surprise his wife. As soon as he gets home he hears noises coming from his bedroom. He runs to the room screaming, "Honey, is that you?" He gets in the room and there on the bed his wife laid naked and sweating saying, "I think I'm having a heart attack." He immediately runs downstairs to the phone to call an ambulance when his child stops him saying, "Daddy, Uncle David is in the closet, naked." In a mad gruff he goes to the closet and there at the base is his brother naked and quivering on the floor. The blonde man raises his voice, yelling, "What are you doing running around naked and scaring my kid. Can't you see my wife is having a heart attack?"
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 3 males, 2 Females | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband stalking around with a fly swatter
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked.
"'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Generate Additional Revenue through Qualified Lead Generation. Learn How.http://fly2.ws/s7_tx3s | Add a comment » | Started by Eric Diederich, Benefits Analyst at Whisnant & Associates, Inc | | Traditional marketing monologue has become a dialogue.
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By Eric Diederich, Benefits Analyst at Whisnant & Associates, Inc | | THE BEST AGENT JOKE EVER | Add a comment » | Started by Nina L. Diamond, Journalist/Author/Editor | | Two cannibals are sitting around a fire.
"I don't like your agent,' the first one says.
"That's okay," says the other. "Just eat the noodles."
By Nina L. Diamond, Journalist/Author/Editor | Don't want to receive email notifications? Adjust your message settings. LinkedIn values your privacy. At no time has LinkedIn made your email address available to any other LinkedIn user without your permission. © 2010, LinkedIn Corporation. |
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