Discussions (14) | Halloween Costume | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in a couple of days.
So the husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for them to wear.
When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume.
The husband yells at his wife, "What are you doing?
Have you ever heard of a black Superman?
Take this back and get me something else I can wear."
The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement.
The Husband comes home from work goes to the bedroom, and there, laid out on the bed, is a Batman costume.
He again yells at his wife, "What are you doing?
Have you ever heard of a black Batman?
Take this back and get me something I can wear to the costume party!"
The next morning his irate wife goes shopping.
When the husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the second is a thick white belt, and the third item is 2 x 4.
The husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"
The wife yells back, "take your clothes off.
You can put the three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino.
If you don't like that one, you can put the white belt on and go as an Oreo.
And if you don't like THAT one, you can stick the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesicle.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Cab Ride | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A cab driver picks up a nun.
She gets into the back of the cab, and the driver can’t stop staring at her.
From behind her vale, she musters a gentle voice and asks him why he is staring.
He replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to risk offending you, dear Sister."
Feeling bold, the Sister speaks to the driver: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: 1) you have to be single and 2) you must be Catholic."
The cab driver gives a whoop of Joy, and is very excited! "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun instructs the driver to pull into an alley where they full fill the driver’s fantasy, tongue and all.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, says the nun, why are you crying so?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, and I must confess. I'm married and I'm a Baptist!"
The nun says, "That's OK, honey. I lied too. She extends her hand for him to hold, and whispers: Here's my phone number. I'm just on my way on the way to a Gay Halloween party and my name's Victor."
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Things Heard on Halloween That Sound Dirty... But Aren't | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | She's a goblin!
I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
Let me see your bag... Oh! You're having a great night!
Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch.
If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts.
Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
You scared me stiff.
He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Top Ten Reasons Why Trick or Treat is Better Than Sex | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8) The uglier you look; the easier it is to get some.
7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5) Forty years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you
2) Less guilt the morning after.
And the No. 1 reason why trick a treating is better than sex.........
YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Costume Party | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.
She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it was still early; she decided to go the party.
In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife got close up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had.
He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Why Fishing Is Better Than Sex | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.
Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither and don't want to know how many other fish you caught.
In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.
You can catch and release a fish; you don't have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
You don't have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.
You can catch a fish on a 20-cent night crawler. If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.
Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Irish Wife | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | At the World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England stood up: "At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands.
Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."
The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well."
The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Ireland stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Smart Irishman | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness.
The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month."
Murphy, shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting.
Murphy said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."
After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Murphy's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating.
Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad... he went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a couple more beers.
After his friends left, Murphy's son leaned over and whispered, "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!" Murphy said," I am dying from cancer, son, I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Bottles and Bombs | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 3 men board a plane with beer bottles.
They are Italian, Spanish, and Irish.
They fly over to Italy, and drop a bottle.
They fly to Spain, and drop a bottle.
They fly to Ireland and drop a bomb.
They fly back to Italy and they see a little boy crying.
"Little boy why are you crying" they ask.
"Because my daddy got hit in the head with a beer bottle"
They fly to Spain and they see a little girl crying.
"Little girl why are you crying" they ask.
"Because my mommy got hit in the head with a beer bottle".
They fly to Ireland and see a little boy laughing hysterically.
"Little boy why are you laughing" they ask.
"Because my daddy farted and blew up the house"
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