Discussions (9) | 4 married guys | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 4 married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:
First guy: 'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend.'
Second guy: 'That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new deck for the pool.'
Third guy: 'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her.'
They continue to fish. When they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word, they asked him. 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?'
Fourth guy: 'I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her butt and said:
'Fishing or Sex ?' and she said: 'Wear sun-block.'
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Smarter Than We Think | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | John and Nancy decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their six-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plans into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot." He said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Smiths have company," he called out, "Matt is riding a new bike and the Sanders are having sex."
Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Just like my wife | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Night out(A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, David! How ya doin’?”
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
“Oh, no,” says David. “He’s on my bowling team.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks David if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”
“She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around David, and says “Hi David. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”
David’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
David follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real b**th tonight, David.”
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Credit crunch tips | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | DON’T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to “switch tracks”, simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.
DON’T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.
SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. 04 D 7411,
DON’T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
MANCHESTER UNITED FANS can save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance.
HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty cents.
OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten minutes without a coat. When you go back inside you will really feel the benefit.
MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.
SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.
WOMEN: Don’t waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn’t care less anyway and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house afterwards. Tell the wife to put on her coat when you’re going out for the night……she’ll be cold on her own when you switch off the heating before you leave.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | That's what you call a fan! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No," he says, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Stress Reliever | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden..'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Older men scam | Add a comment » | Started by Melvin Shaner, Project Manager/Estimator at DOT Construction | | Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in
dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I
wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home
Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't
be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as
you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping
your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out
of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look).
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for
a ride to McDonald's.
You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start
undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other
one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen Mar. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th,
24th, & 29th. Also Apr. 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th &
27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of
us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.
Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for
$.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.
Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just
running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.
So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to
be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and
around 4:30 in the afternoon.)
By Melvin Shaner, Project Manager/Estimator at DOT Construction | News Discussions (3) | Coffee crop could lower sky-high arabica futures | 1 comment » | | Arabica coffee futures rose 11 percent last week, their biggest gain since 2006, Bloomberg reported. But they’re down this week on speculation that a boom crop in Brazil will remedy the low worldwide inventories that have kept arabica prices high this year.
By Brent Lupton, Managing Director at Leading Edge Digital Media | | Coffee won’t sober you up | 1 comment » | | The old myth that having a cup of coffee can clear your head after you’ve had a few too many has been officially debunked by a university study.
By Brent Lupton, Managing Director at Leading Edge Digital Media | Latest News Don't want to receive email notifications? Adjust your message settings. LinkedIn values your privacy. At no time has LinkedIn made your email address available to any other LinkedIn user without your permission. © 2010, LinkedIn Corporation. |
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