Discussions (19) | Why do men die first?(This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries…… but, now we know.) | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race…you’re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework …you’re a pansy.
If you work too hard…there’s never any time for her. If you don’t work enough…you’re a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay…this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay…..you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her…..that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you……it’s affirmative action.
If you mention how nice she looks……it’s sexual harassment. If you keep quiet……….it’s male indifference.
If you cry…………you’re a wimp. If you don’t……..you’re an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her………you’re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you……she’s a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy……. that’s domination. If she asks you………it’s a favor.
If you appreciate the female form …..you’re a pervert. If you don’t ….you’re gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs, wear sexy lingerie and keep in shape ………….you’re sexist. If you don’t……………..you’re unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape……you’re vain. If you don’t ……..you’re a slob.
If you buy her flowers………….you’re after something. If you don’t ……..you’re not thoughtful.
If you’re proud of your achievements……..you’re full of yourself.
If you aren’t……. you’re not ambitious.
If she has a headache…………she’s tired. If you have a headache………….you don’t love her anymore.
If you want it too often………you’re over sexed. If you don’t…………….there must be someone else.
So why do men die first?
Because they want to.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | The Gender of Computer | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
“House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa”. “Pencil”, however, is masculine: “el lápiz.”
A student asked what gender a computer is. Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (”la computadora”), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (”el computador”), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | The Gender of Computer | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
“House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa”. “Pencil”, however, is masculine: “el lápiz.”
A student asked what gender a computer is. Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (”la computadora”), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (”el computador”), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Twenty Dollars Please! | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new
Husband and asked for $20.00 for their first
Lovemaking encounter. In
His highly aroused state, her husband readily
Agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more
Than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to
Afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find
Her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer
Was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had
Been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of
59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He 'd been earning, and
Therefore, they
Were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than thirty
Years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she
Showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the bank which were worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that
For the more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied
And these were the
Results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3
Million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but
Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If
I'd had any idea what you
Were doing, I would have given you all my
Business!'
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
To keep their mouths shut
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | For All Smart Women! | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | The Silent Treatment..
A man n his wife were having some problems at home n were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM '
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws''
WOMEN'S REVENGE..
'Cash, cheque or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?'
I asked.
'No,' she replied, ' but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN..
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider..
W O R D S..
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION..
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me.
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !!!
WHO DOES WHAT..
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'
The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS'
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece..
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !!!
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Financial Planning | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and
working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when
his father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to
share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. 'I may look
like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just
a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit £20
million.'
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three
days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Imposible To Please | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | For Woman Over 40!(This is for all u girls 40 years n over.n 4those who are turning 40, n for those who r scared of moving into their 50's.N 60's..n for guys who are scared of girls over 40) | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Why Older Chicks Rule - by Andy Rooney from CBS "60 Minutes":
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.
A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free", here's an update for you. Now 80% of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realize it is not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Eleven People On A Rope | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. 10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all and beginning to fray so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall to their deaths.
They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping...
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Choosing A Wife | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three
likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see
what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over.
She goes to a fancy beauty salon
gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up
very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more
attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer,
and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she
has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and
reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to
save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then,
he married the one with the biggest boobs (That’s the 1st gal).
It would have been better to pick the golf balls n bat though he doesn’t
know how to play golf or pick the last gal out of desperation.
Men are like that, you know. You can never tell what they base their judgment
on. To be sincere, I don’t know who u would pick coz your base is
unpredictable. Go ahead n choose.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Some Poetry | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A WOMAN'S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
Huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
And loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
Doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
The End
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | They're Finally Together | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | The preacher began with a remembrance of her life....
She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
She finally died after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
'Lord, they're finally together.'
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend,
'Do you think he means her 1st, 2nd or 3rd husband? '
The friend replied, ' I think he means her legs.'
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Time To Go Home!(TO ALL THE DRUNK WOMEN! CLUES TO CALLING IT A NIGHT - YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO GO HOME WHEN....) | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are.
2. You've just had to get someone to help you pull your knickers up in the ladies room.
3. You suddenly decide you want to start a fight with "some bitch".
4. In your last trip to the bathroom you realise you now look more like Gail from Coronation Street than the goddess you were just four hours ago.
5. You drop your 3:00 a.m. burger on the floor of Burger King and pick it up & carry on eating.
6. You start crying and telling everyone you see that you love them soooooo much.
7. There are less than three hours before you're due to start work.
8. You've found a deeper side to the office nerd.
9. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming.
10. You've forgotten where you live.
11. You've started to sound like Bonnie Tyler from the cigarettes you've smoked, because (as you've mentioned 10 TIMES by now !) you only smoke when you drink.
12. You yell at the barman, who (you think) cheated you by giving you just lemonade, but that's just because you can no longer taste the vodka.
13. You think you're in bed, but your pillow feels strangely like pizza.
14. You start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the wrong way but..."
15. You fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when you sit on it.
16. Your sloppy hugs begin to resemble wrestling takedown moves.
17. You're tired so you just sit on the floor (and why not!)
18. You show your friends that girls can wee standing up if they really want
19. You believe that dancing with your arms over your head and wiggling your butt while yelling "woo-hoo" is truly the sexiest dance move around.
20. You begin leaving the buttons open on your button-fly pants to cut down on the time you’re in the washroom away from your drink.
21. You take your shoes off because you believe it's their fault that you’re having problemswalking straight.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Woman Chats Up Bartender | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender.. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, I need you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | The Towel | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A man marries a young woman and they are deeply in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm so they decide to ask a sex therapist for advice.
The therapist listens to their story and makes the following suggestion;
"Hire a strapping young man and while the two of you are making love have the young man wave a towel over you, as though he is fanning you both. Make sure he is totally naked and she can see his manhood as he fans you both with the towel. That will help your wife fantasize, and should bring on a full-blown orgasm."
They go home and follow the therapist's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he strips off and enthusiastically waves a towel over them both as they make love. But it doesn't help and still the wife is unsatisfied and frustrated.
Perplexed, they go back to the therapist "Okay" he says, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The hired hand really works with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming, orgasm.
Smiling, the husband drops the towel, taps the young man on the shoulder and says to him triumphantly.... "NOW THAT'S how you wave a f ***ing towel, son!!"
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Mirror mriror on the wall | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Beach Girl | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't - and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big Radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up & down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.
Well, Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly. No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
Well, what is it then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson."
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes ....." he replied -
OOOH - Now this is going to kill you
OOOOH - You're gonna hate me for this - but it will make your day!!!
She sells C cells by the sea shore!"
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A Family of Mice | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A family of mice was surprised by a big cat. Mother mouse opened her mouth and shouted, “Woof woof!” The cat got scared and ran away.
“What was that, Mum?” asked the youngest mouse.
“Well dear, I’ve told you how important it is to learn a second language.”
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Attend the Free Job Search Webinar and Kick Your Job Hunt Into High Gear! The Skills You Need for Today’s Tough Job Markethttp://alturl.com/dqpa | Add a comment » | Started by Elizabeth White, Inside Sales Manager at Digiwave Enterprises, Inc | | Attend the Free Job Search Webinar and Kick Your Job Hunt Into High Gear! The Skills You Need for Today’s Tough Job Market http://alturl.com/dqpa
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