Most Active Discussions (3) | Condisco - Home | 1 comment » | Started by Suki Bahra | | We would like to announce the launch of our new website. Please do visit us by clicking the link and remember to sign up to our...
More » By Suki Bahra | Discussions (9) | Nine Words Woman Use | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five
more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of
nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just
say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true,
unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not
thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement,
meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several
times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man
asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can
avoid if they remember the terminology.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | *ROMANCE MATHEMATICS** | Add a comment » | Started by David Houlihan, Owner, Training Education And Consultancy Help (TEACH) | | Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay €2 for a €1 item he needs.
A woman will pay €1 for a €2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
*
*HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
**Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals.
By David Houlihan, Owner, Training Education And Consultancy Help (TEACH) | | Female Compassion | 1 comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and noLegs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'
The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?'
The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been fucked?'
The fellow said, 'No.'
She replied, 'Well you will be when the tide comes in!'
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Life | Add a comment » | Started by Brian Wade, Experienced Sales and Channels Professional | | On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.......
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed......
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again......
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.. I'm doing it as a public service.
By Brian Wade, Experienced Sales and Channels Professional | | Taxi Fare | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | One rainy spring night in Belfast, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.
Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking
his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.
'Where to?' he stammered.
'Vale Road,' answered the woman.
'OK,' he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.
The woman caught him staring at her and asked, 'Just what the hell are you looking at?'
'Well lady ', replied the driver, 'I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare.'
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, 'Does THIS answer your question?'
Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, 'Got anything smaller?
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Lexophiles | 1 comment » | Started by Dave O'Marra, Principal at Capco | | A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
10. A calendar's days are numbered.
11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
12. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
14. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the
end.
15. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .
17. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
18. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
21. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir
Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out
to be an optical Aleutian .
23. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
was a weapon of math disruption.
25.. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be
stationery.
26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
littering.
27. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
28. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
looking
into it.
29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
30. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the
Grass.'
32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When
his grandmother asked how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
33. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.
34. Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.
35. A diagram of a nail is a plan of a tack.
By Dave O'Marra, Principal at Capco | | Friday Night | 2 comments » | Started by suman syam, Business Developer at Incomp LLC | | oye lucky, ye kya scene paida ho gaya!
By Anuj Pillai, Sr. research analyst at salesify | | LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MIN!!!!!! | Add a comment » | Started by suman syam, Business Developer at Incomp LLC | | LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES
(You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...
1) Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
5) Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
12) staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
13) He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
14) Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
15) Great... Fa Kin Su Pah
For the losers who didnt get it..... ur dumb
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