Most Active Discussions (3) Discussions (17) | Greeting Cards Oriented Towards The Male Buyer | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A survey has found that about 90% of all Hallmark greeting cards are purchased by women. In order to attract more males to buy and exchange greeting cards, the following are some greeting card suggestions created to attract more male buyers:
Cover picture: Dim, misty, moody picture of a vase of roses.
Cover caption: Consolances
Inside caption: ...on the loss of your remote control.
Cover picture: Nostalgic picture of a young couple strolling through a field holding hands.
Cover caption: Darling, as we go into our 10th year together...
Inside caption: I swear I'll leave my wife soon!
Cover picture: Gold-leafed picture of a vase of red roses.
Cover caption: Get well soon, darling!
Inside caption: This house doesn't clean itself!
Cover picture: Two men standing on lush golf course, one of them ready to putt.
Cover caption: To my golf partner...
Inside caption: Just to let you know, I'm sleeping with my secretary.
Cover picture: Dark moody picture of a vase of roses.
Cover caption: In sympathy, I'm sorry to hear the news...
Inside caption: That you've been beaten senseless again in another bar fight.
Cover picture: Norman Rockwell-ish painting of a young girl picking daisies.
Cover caption: To the daughter that I love...
Inside caption: No daughter of mine is leaving this house dressed like a slut!
Cover picture: Misty photo of a couple embracing and kissing.
Cover caption: To my wonderful wife...I know we've had a little disagreement
Inside caption: But please don't cut off my sex organ as I sleep tonight!
Cover picture: Photo of two men shaking hands.
Cover caption: Congratulations and the best of luck!
Inside caption: To the installation of your new hair plugs!
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Drugs for Women | 1 comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | They are all sold out! :-)
By Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | The Stimulus expalined! | 1 comment » | Started by Brian Maloney [LION], Agent at Insurance Associates Marketplace Agency, Inc. | | Well, weapons & aircraft industries are still in business.
Create more Afghanistans!
By Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | When He Says................................................... He Really Means | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Do you have the time?................. to go to bed
Hello................................. Let's cut the talk and go have sex.
How are you?.......................... in bed, I mean.
I'd like a discreet relationship...... I want sex, but I'm married.
I'll be out of town for a few days.... I'll be spending time with with the wife.
I'm a novelist........................ I have 10 unpublished books.
I'm coming off a long relationship.... My wife is divorcing me.
I'm consulting........................ I'm looking for a job.
I'm divorced.......................... I just slipped off my wedding ring.
I'm in television..................... I fix them.
I'm involved in banking............... I'm a bank guard.
I'm self-employed..................... I just got fired.
I'm sorry I flirted with your sister.. I'm sorry I got caught.
I'm thinking of relocating............ I can't find a job locally in this town.
I can't leave my wife just yet,soon... Be patient forever.
I enjoy reading....................... Playboy and Penthouse.
I have the Midas touch................ I install mufflers.
I like a woman who is intelligent..... As long as she acts like I'm smarter.
I love opera.......................... I want sex, but I've seen an opera once.
I play the market..................... Safeway
I work high up in an executive office. I'm a window washer.
I work with computers................. I'm a cashier at a gas station.
Looking for a satisfying relationship. I want sex.
My business is really hot right now!.. I hand out towels in a steam room.
My job keeps me running............... I'm a messenger.
My wife and I are separated........... She's at home and I'm here at the bar.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | If He Is A......................................... Say To Him, "Our relationship has... | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | astronomer.................... been a black hole."
banker/accountant............. gone bankrupt."
bartender..................... been on the rocks."
boxer......................... been K.O.'d."
bus driver.................... reached the end of the line."
carpenter..................... had a sinking foundation."
chemist....................... been under a fume hood for too long."
doctor........................ been malpracticed."
economist..................... been in a ten year recession."
electrician................... been short circuited."
engineer...................... been miscalculated."
fireman....................... been burned to the ground."
geologist..................... been taken for granite."
lawyer........................ been given the death penalty."
mathematician................. been taken to the limit."
milkman....................... gone sour."
miner......................... gone bust."
opera star.................... reached its grand finale."
personnel worker.............. been terminated."
physicist..................... lacked harmonic motion."
pilot......................... lost power in all its engines."
policeman..................... copped out."
politician.................... been impeached."
programmer.................... been core dumped."
race car driver............... run its course."
sailor........................ been lost at sea."
soldier....................... been wiped out."
teacher....................... flunked out."
truck driver.................. overturned on our highway of life."
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | The 9 Types of Boyfriends | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"
Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup.
Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts.
Drawbacks: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy.
Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV."
Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk.
Advantages: Stays put; predictable.
Drawbacks: Royal pain in the ass.
Flinchy - "I...I'm sorry. For whatever it was I did."
Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you.
Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled.
Drawbacks: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle.
Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb.
Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled.
Drawbacks: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig.
Lazybones - "Zzzzzz"
Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict.
Advantages: Well rested; easy target.
Drawbacks: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams.
The Sneak - "Who, me?"
Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch.
Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt.
Drawbacks: May be having time of his life.
Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?"
Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster.
Advantages: Perpetually aroused.
Drawbacks: Perpetually aroused.
The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but -"
Also known as: Struggling artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind, Fool.
Advantages: Tells good stories.
Drawbacks: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus".
Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?"
Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy.
Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer.
Drawbacks: Hunted to extinction.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Recession Impact during last year | Add a comment » | Started by Narayana Kashyap, at ITC Infotech India Ltd | | Recession Updates
* Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off
* Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate
* Iron man now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs.
* Women finally marrying for love, and not money
* Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
* The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America’s third biggest lender.
* Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
* Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.
* Dow Jones is re-branded as "Down Jones".
* Quote from a Wall Street banker: "This is worse than divorce. I’ve lost half of my assets and I still have my wife…!!!!..
By Narayana Kashyap, at ITC Infotech India Ltd | | "You know I don't smoke." | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | This couple has been dating for about four months, but the guy had been
afraid of making any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.
Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her to a secluded spot in his car.
While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.
"No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A man knows: | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | a) every inch of his car and how to take care of it, but can't say the same about his girlfriend.
b) knows the exact date that he bought his car, but can't recall his wedding anniversary.
c) can shift gears with a lot more skill in his car than he can in bed.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | woman | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | A woman called in a repairman to fix her television. Just as he finished,
the woman heard her husband's key in the lock. "Hurry," she said to the
repairman, "you'll have to hide. My husband is insanely jealous."
There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman hid inside the
TV console. The husband came in and plopped down in his favorite chair to watch
some football. Inside the TV, the repairman was all squished up and getting
hotter and hotter. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. He climbed out,
marched across the room and out the front door.
The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked back at the set
again and said, "I didn't see the referee send that guy off the field, did
you?"
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Men are complex creatures | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | If you kiss him, you are easy
If you don't, you are frigid
If you praise him, he thinks you are fake
If you don't, he thinks you are ungrateful
If you agree to all his likes, you are submissive
If you don't, you are controling
If you visit him often, he thinks you're desperate
If you don't, he thinks you're not interested
If you are well dressed, he says you are vain
If you don't, you are a dog
If you are jealous, he say's you're possessive
If you're not, then he fools around
If you attempt a romance, he say's you are cheap
If you don't, he thinks you are cold
If you are a minute late, he says you are fussy
If he is late, he says you're impatient
If you visit another man, you are fooling around
If he is visited by another woman, "oh we're just friends"
If you kiss him once in a while, he says you're too shy
If you kiss him often, he says you're too forward
If he fails to help you in crossing the street, he brings up the feminist movement
If he does, he expects to be rewarded
If you stare at another woman, he says you're jealous
If he is stared by other men, boy, you're in big trouble..
If you talk, it's always too much
If you listen, it's never enough
In short:
So complex, yet so predictable
So macho, yet so sensitive (usually to their own feelings)
So confusing, yet so funny
but most of all,
So irritating, yet so irresistible
...MEN!
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Lessons learnt about men .. | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
2. Woman don't make fools of men-most of them are the do-it-yourself types .
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him .
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one-they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well-they never mature anyway.
8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.
9. Men are all the same-they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
10. Definition of a man with manners-he gets out of the bath to pee.
11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he already is.
12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men .......... a woman.
13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men - strong, caring, loving - they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
14. Men are like animals-messy, insensitive and potentially violent-but they make great pets.
15. Men's brains are like the prison system-not enough cells per man.
16. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop".
17. Husbands are like children-they're fine if they're someone else's.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Men are like ... | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Men are like department stores.... their clothes should always be half off.
Men are like vacations.... they never seem to be long enough.
Men are like computers... hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like coolers... load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like coffee.... the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like horoscopes.... they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like plungers... they spend most of their lives in a hard ware store or the bathroom.
Men are like cement.... after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | The Seven Ages of the Married ColdTrue Love | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1st year - The husband says, 'Oh, darling, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the private hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is good there, and I've already spoken to the Matron and the Hospital chef and I've paid the bill.
2nd year - 'Listen, sweetie, I don't like the sound of that cough. I've 'phoned the doctor and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go to bed and get the rest you need? I'll bring you something to eat when you're hungry.'
3rd year - 'Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something ; do we have any canned soup around here anywhere?'
4th year - 'No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go straight to bed yourself.'
5th year - 'Why don't you take a couple aspirin?'
6th year - 'You ought to gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog.'
7th year - 'For Pete's sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You'd better pick up some tissues while you're at the supermarket.'
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Project Management is Like Getting Married because: | Add a comment » | Started by Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | * To get married, you have to initiate a marriage proposal, such as “Will you marry me?” (Project Initiation)
* You do what you can to understand the value or return on investment in getting married–being single versus being with the same person for (theoretically) the rest of your life. (ROI Analysis)
* To agree that you will go forward with the marriage, you get a wedding ring. (Project Charter)
* Your wedding vows determine the scope of the marriage–”richer and for poorer, till death do us part.” (Scope Management)
* You do what you can to mitigate the risks of divorce or adultery by doing things such as remembering your anniversary or buying flowers. (Risk Management)
* There are start-up costs such as the wedding and ongoing costs such as everything after getting married. (Cost Management)
* There are a number of people involved in the marriage, not just the people planning it–Moms, Dads, friends, families, future kids. (Project Manager, Project Sponsor, Project Board, Key Stakeholders)
* Together you must decide your new budgeting plan such as having one joint account or separate accounts. (Procurement Strategy)
* You informally tell your friends how the marriage is going. (Quality Review)
* And no matter what you do, there’s still at least a 50% chance that the marriage will fail. (Or up to 62% of all IT Projects)
By Devaraju Kanchi, Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | The Receptionist is your BEST FRIEND | Add a comment » | Started by Gregg Schnorrer, Editor of Free Stuffin | | Everybody thinks that being on good terms with the boss is most important, but I beg to differ. Where does this get you? Nowhere……which is why you are reading this site rather than working.
The key is being best friends with the receptionist. And here is why….she knows when food is ordered for the conference rooms. She controls who gets to the leftovers before anyone else. Anyone who works for a company knows how quickly the leftovers from a breakfast/lunch meetings are schnorred. We become vultures awaiting the carcass of the catered treys. Not even the lonely pickle survives the bloodshed.
If you are really good friends with the receptionist, find out a day in advance when those meetings are taking place so that you don’t even have to buy breakfast or lunch. If you are best friends, so will stash food for you:)
Now that is FREE STUFFIN – SOMETHIN FOR NOTHIN
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