Most Active Discussions (2) Discussions (23) | Male language dictionary | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Can we have sex now?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Women vs Men | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | PMS STANDS FOR | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Mid-Section
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly; Men Suck
Pack My Stuff
Pretty Much the Same
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
and...
Please My Self
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Things It Takes a Long Time For Guys To Learn | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
2. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.
3. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
4. PMS stands for: Permissible Manslaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.
5. The first naked man a woman sees is 'Ken'.
6. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.
7. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
8. 'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.
9. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
10. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it.
11. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.
12. If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'
13. Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.
14. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights.
15. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.
16. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)
17. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.
18. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.
19. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
20. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.
21. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
22. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me out of here!'
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN.
2. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
3. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
4. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is A PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
7. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a TWO-BIT SLAPPER - She is a LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Today's instruction | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1. The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.
2. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.
3. If we're watching football with you--it's not bonding--it's their butts.
4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
5. Please don't drive when you're not driving.
6. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed.
8. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.
9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?
10. Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care.
11. When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.
12. We don't mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance -- in fact -- please do !!!
13. When you're out with us, please wear "our" favourite outfit rather than "yours" -- the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way.
14. If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs a negative grunt.
15. Don't insist that we "get off the damn phone" and then not talk to us.
16. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.
17. Cleaning the house is not necessarily "women's work"; besides, most of the "dirt" and clutter is yours anyway.
18. Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men, why is it then you never want to cook?
19. We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.
20. Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling; however, very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Laws Women Live By | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If we put a man on the moon, we should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander; it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well; they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same; they just have different faces so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men; most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember: a sense of humor does not mean you tell him jokes; it means you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | BENEFITS OF BEING AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | * We got off the Titanic first.
* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
* We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
* We can cry and get off speeding fines.
* We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
* Taxis stop for us.
* We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
* Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point).
* New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
* No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
* We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
* If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
* We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
* If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
* We have the ability to dress ourselves.
* We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
* If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
* There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
* We'll never regret piercing our ears.
* We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
* We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Twelve truths about men! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
5. WHY DON'T WOMEN HAVE MEN'S BRAINS?
(because they don't have penises to put them in)
6. WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON?
(they're intended for children, but men usually play with them)
7. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock)
You're laughing, aren't you?!?!
8. WHY DO MEN MASTURBATE?
(it is sex with someone they love)
9. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.)
10. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make the perfect final copy)
11. WHY IS A MAN'S PEE YELLOW AND HIS SPERM WHITE?
(so he can tell if he's coming or going)
12. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(it's never happened)
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Quickies... | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | My fantasy is to have two men at once. One cleaning, one ironing.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
Why are men and parking spaces alike?
Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.
What have men and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Because breasts don't have eyes.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Do YOU understand men? | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | The nice men are ugly. The handsome men are not nice. The handsome and nice men are gay. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. The men who are not so handsome but are nice men have no money. The men who are not so handsome but are nice men with money think we are only after their money. The handsome men without money are after our money. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual don't think we are beautiful enough. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are cowards. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!! The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
NOW... WHO UNDERSTANDS MEN?
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Men Are Like... | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Men are like... commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like... computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like... coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like... place mats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like... mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like... bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
Men are like... bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like... government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like... parking spots. All the good ones are taken and what's left is handicapped.
Men are like... used cars. Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.
Men are like... vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like... copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like... lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like... bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like... horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like... weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Men are like... blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like... curling irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
Men are like... noodles. They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Men are like.....plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or bathroom.
Men are like... high heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like... miniskirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
Men are like department stores... their clothes should always be half off.
Men are like chocolate bars... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like coffee... the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like cement... after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
Men are like laxatives... they irritate the shit out of you.
A man is like a snowstorm... you never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long he will last.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | TEN THINGS Men Know About Women | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have breasts.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Good Girl vs Bad Girls Home | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | 1. Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
2. Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons..
3. Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
4. Good girls pack their toothbrush. Bad girls pack their diaphragms.
5. Good girls prefer the missionary position. Bad girls do too, but only for starters.
6. Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?"
7. Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
8. Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
9. Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
10. Good Girls go to Heaven. Bad girls go everywhere.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | LUCKY GIRLS | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | If a girl laughs ,she is merry,
If a boy laughs ,he is mannerless.
If a girl talks ,she is decent,
If a boy talks,he is a chatterbox.
If a girl likes silence ,she is serious,
If a boy likes silence ,he is dull.
If a girl looks at a boy,she glares,
If a boy looks at a girl,he stares.
If a girl wears a unique dress,she is fashionable,
If a boy wears a unique dress ,he is a joker.
If girls walk in a company,they r a group,
If aboys walk in company ,they r a gang.
How lucky girls r!!
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Marriage exlained | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | chasing women | Add a comment » | Started by Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
By Deva (deva_18@ymail.com), Recruitment specialist at Makrotech | | Beware a ’short squeeze’ on coffee | Add a comment » | Started by Brent Lupton, Managing Director at Leading Edge Digital Media | | A so-called “short squeeze” is one of the most feared phenomena in the financial markets. In October 2008 Volkswagen briefly became the world’s most valuable company after Porsche created an almighty squeeze on the market by announcing it effectively owned three-quarters of the car maker’s stock.
By Brent Lupton, Managing Director at Leading Edge Digital Media | | Topless Coffee Shop Too Hot for Small Town? | Add a comment » | Started by Brent Lupton, Managing Director at Leading Edge Digital Media | | A warrant has been released for a man accused of setting fire to a topless coffee shop in the small town of Vassalboro, Maine in the United States.
Forty-nine year-old Raymond Bellavance is accused of deliberately setting fire to the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop in June of last year, just hours after the business’s owner met with town officials to tell them of plans to make the establishment more like a strip club.
By Brent Lupton, Managing Director at Leading Edge Digital Media | | Wine with your coffee? | Add a comment » | Started by Brent Lupton, Managing Director at Leading Edge Digital Media | | Coffee is big business. Just take note of the many cafes dotting available city corners across North America. Ubiquitous as pubs in the UK, lovers of java need only glance in a given direction to locate their next fix.
In the meantime, with barista machines available for home use, anyone can learn to make a fine cup of espresso. Not to mention cheap coffee makers, one cup filters, and environmentally friendly re-usable filters: these indicate the level of domestic use in direct competition with cafes. So, what can a coffee giant like Starbucks do to get your business? Apparently, the answer is ‘serve wine and beer.’
By Brent Lupton, Managing Director at Leading Edge Digital Media | | Want a great cup of Coffee?? | Add a comment » | Started by Brent Lupton, Managing Director at Leading Edge Digital Media | | Its official…..the world is in love with Coffee!!
Coffee is the second most traded commodity in the world and is consumed in cups by the billions on a daily basis. Coffee is very personal, each coffee lover partial to their own coffee flavours and blends.
Most often when we talk about Espresso Essential we talk about the high quality of the Coffee Machines. Italian made, hand manufactured, high quality components, etc, etc. What we don’t often focus on is the end result…….the Coffee!
Espresso Essential Coffee Machines are fully programmable so we can adjust grind times, water volumes, how much milk, temperature, etc, in other words we can setup the coffee machine to produce YOUR perfect blend.
No point in having the perfectly manufactured Coffee Machine if the Coffee isn’t up to your standards. We roast our beans daily onsite to ensure nothing is amiss when you take that first sip.
When it comes to our coffee perfection is not something we just seek to attain but demand. Thats why with Espresso Essential perfection is what we deliver right through from the bean to the cup!!
Enjoy your Coffee!!
Espresso Esssential – Coffee
By Brent Lupton, Managing Director at Leading Edge Digital Media | Job Discussions (1) Find the best talent on LinkedIn - Reach over 70 million top professionals
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