Most Active Discussions (3) Discussions (17) | 8 things you will never hear a woman say | 2 comments » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 8. What do you mean today's our anniversary?
7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
6. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big!
5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'
4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
2. I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Chicken farmer | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm a whore." The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that." The woman, "OK, I'm a prostitute.". "No, that is still too crude. Try again." They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?". "Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!" | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his
mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,"Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Little Johnny | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town
all week and said, "Mommy, guess what? Yesterday, I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady from next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and -"The mother held up her hand and said, "Not another word! Wait until your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."The father comes home and the wife tells him that she's leaving him. "But why?" croaks the husband."Go ahead, Johnny, tell Daddy just what you told me.""Well," said little Johnny, "I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what you did, Mommy, with Uncle Bob when Daddy was away last summer!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is. Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't
ask ladies that question." Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.
Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." The
boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?" To this, the mother says, "you
shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room.
On the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks
it up, her driver's license falls out. The boy looks it over and goes back to
his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127
pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Her confession | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | The parish priest couldn't resist the pretty young girl. She was reciting
her confession and it was getting to be too much arousal for him. He told her to come with him to his room. There, he placed his arm around her.
"Did the young man do this to you?" he asked.
"Yes, Father, and worse," the girl replied.
"Hmmm," said the priest. He gave her a long French kiss.
"Did he do this?"
"Yes, Father, and worse," the girl said.
"Did he do this?" the priest asked as he lifted he skirt and fingered her
bush.
"Yes, Father, and worse."
By this time, the priest was thoroughly aroused. He pulled the girl down
onto the rug and inserted his penis, breathing heavily as he asked, "Did he
manage to do this?"
"Yes, Father, and worse," said the girl.
When the priest had finished with the girl ten minutes later, he asked, "He
did this too, and worse? My dear, what worse could he have done?"
"Well," the shy young girl said, "I think, Father, that he's given me
syphilis and I went to the clinic yesterday and tested HIV positive!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Two women arrive to the vet, each carrying one male dog. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Woman1: Why did you bring your dog?
Woman2: Because I want it castrated. You see, he keeps fucking all the female
dogs in the neighborhood. How about you?
Woman1: Because the other day, I was taking a bath when the soap fell down and
when I reached down to pick it up, the dog fucked me.
Woman2: So, you want it castrated too?
Woman1: No, I want his nails cut.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | ============ Stampede ============ | Add a comment » | Started by Priya Jayadevan, Sr Recruiter at Wipro Technology | | Our children's Sunday School classes were presenting their end of the year program for the congregation - telling about the life of Jesus.
When it came to the part about Jesus' miracles, one little boy said, "Yes, Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead!" The teacher urged him to tell us more.
He said, "Well, Jesus told them to open the tomb, and then He said, 'Lazarus, come out!' And it's a good thing he didn't just say 'Come out!' because there would have been a stampede of dead guys."
By Priya Jayadevan, Sr Recruiter at Wipro Technology | | ================= Jack or Jill ================= | 2 comments » | Started by Priya Jayadevan, Sr Recruiter at Wipro Technology | | An office manager had money problems & had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning.
Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break.
Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait & see who would leave work the earliest and both employees stayed after closing.
Jill finally went to the coat rack & the manager went up to her & said,
"Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off."
Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."
By Priya Jayadevan, Sr Recruiter at Wipro Technology | | =================== Traffic camera =================== | Add a comment » | Started by Priya Jayadevan, Sr Recruiter at Wipro Technology | | A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding.
Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again.
He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
Men! And they say blondes are dumb. :-)))
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By Elizabeth White, Inside Sales Manager at Digiwave Enterprises, Inc | | On Mars... | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | hahahahahahahaha....not good for the human male EGO;)
By Vanessa Pereira, Manager-Training (The Gordon House Suites and Waterstones Country Club and Spa) at Mars Enterprises | | WHAT A MAN WANTS | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A husband, wife and their seven-year-old son walk into an ice-cream shop. The dad says "I'll have a chocolate cone, and my wife here will have a vanilla."
He then slaps his son on the back of the head and says: "What do you want, fat-head?"
The lady behind the counter, shocked, says, "Why did you call him that?"
"I'll tell you why," says the dad. "There's really only three things a man wants in life.
First, he wants a nice big truck. See that nice big truck parked outside? That's mine.
Second, he wants a nice big house. I have one of the biggest houses in town. Third, and most important, he wants a nice tight pussy and I had that too until fat-head here came along."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Just looking for expiry date | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Wife: Honey: What are You Looking for in that paper ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking for the expiry date.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Up the as????....This story occurred on Melbourne radio last week.if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?
Brian: Yeah, sure.
Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning.
Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?
Brian: Hmmmmm .... about 10 minutes.
Presenter:10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?
Brian: Ohhhh , I can't say that.
Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!
Brian: O.K. ... O.K. ... On the kitchen table.
Presenter:(and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?
Brian: Yeah, alright.
Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you?
Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.
Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello.
Sharelle: Hi Brian.
Brian: Hi Sharelle.
Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.
Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.
Sharelle: O.K.
Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?
Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.
Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them.
Sharelle: O.K. ... About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work.
Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle? Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.
Co-Presenter: That's close enough ... Brian was just being a gentleman.
Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it?
Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.
Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here.
Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway.. just tell em.
Sharelle: Ohhhh .... alright .... Up the as???...!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Wife | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A few people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG." Another guy says, "What's that?" The first guy says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy." Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, "What's that?" He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids." A lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE." Larry says, "A wife? What's a wife?" She says, "That means, 'Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
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