Most Active Discussions (3) Discussions (28) | The Unintended Result: | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1) Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy;
1a) Men often go looking for sex and end up finding love;
2) Women's desire for intimacy often results in sex;
2a) Women often go looking for love and end up finding only sex.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | TWO WOMEN | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I
began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that
I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic
and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every
closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had
looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just
keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be
alive.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | ============================== Wonderful English from Around the World ============================== | Add a comment » | Started by Deepak Bhatia, Business Development Executive - US Sales at Tech Mahindra | | In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
By Deepak Bhatia, Business Development Executive - US Sales at Tech Mahindra | | Please don't puke ! | Add a comment » | Started by Anuj Pillai, Sr. research analyst at salesify | | Once Tom was travelling from chicago to Denver in a plane. His health was not keeping well. As soon as the plane took off he puked. All the passengers in the plane started laughing at him. Tom was embaressed.
After a couple of minutes tom puked again and all the passengers started laughing at him, again. He was embaressed and angry this time.
After a few more minutes tom puked again. However, this time tom was laughing at all passengers and all the passengers were puking.
WHY DID ALL PASSENGERS PUKE ?
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.bcoz
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the third time tom took a plate and puked into it and then he drunk it.
( r u feelin like puking ??)
By Anuj Pillai, Sr. research analyst at salesify | | OK it's not technically a joke... | Add a comment » | Started by Matthew Mullerworth, Business Development Manager and Open Networker | | ...but, today is Pacman's 30th birthday and this made me laugh!
http://www.google.co.uk/webhp?hl=en
By Matthew Mullerworth, Business Development Manager and Open Networker | | A little boy | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward
it to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs...20, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan(President House) in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ....... "
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Three Minute Management Course | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob th e next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”.
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.” “Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Puff! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Puff! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 3:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?” The eagle answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 4:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey peck ed at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: BS might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there!
This ends the 3-minute management course.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | And that’s when the fight started….part 2 | Add a comment » | Started by David Pillay, Research Analyst at salesify /Inside Sales-BFSI | | A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And then the fight started…..
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started….
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.
And then the fight started…..
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man "Holy crap. That must be my husband!" So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’ The woman yelled back, "Yeah, then why were you running?"
And then the fight started…..
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, ‘The weather out there is terrible.’ My loving wife of 10 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?’
And then the fight started …
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that’s when the fight started….
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I’d like to phone a friend."
And that’s when the fight started….
By David Pillay, Research Analyst at salesify /Inside Sales-BFSI | | And that’s when the fight started….part 1 | Add a comment » | Started by David Pillay, Research Analyst at salesify /Inside Sales-BFSI | | My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What’s on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started…
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started…
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started…
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt" so I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too."
And then the fight started…
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since."
"My God!" says my wife, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started…
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He asked, "Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started…
By David Pillay, Research Analyst at salesify /Inside Sales-BFSI | | The Rules (For those of you who don't already know, these are the rules that are in effect in every relationship.) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. The female always makes the rules.
2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must
immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong it is because of a vagrant misunderstanding which was
a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
7. If rule number six applies, the male must immediately apologize for causing
the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent of the
female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be
angry or upset.
12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether she wants
him to be calm, angry or upset.
13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
14. The female always gets the last word!
(*) These rules are subject to change as the female sees fit.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Jerks should remember fairies are female..... | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling
husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen
Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again.
I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than
me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful jerks should remember
fairies are female.....
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Tom and Harry - Twin Husbands | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | There were two twins, Tom and Harry. Tom was the owner of an old dilapidated boat.
It just so happened that Harry's wife died the same day Tom's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Tom and mistaking him for Harry said "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible."
Tom, thinking she was talking about his boat said "Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools all tried to get in her at once and she split right up the middle"
The old woman fainted.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Moral Of The Story(Stay away from Aunts) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A teacher told her young class to ask their parents For a family story with a moral at the end of it, and To return the next day to tell their stories.
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example First, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One Day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket On the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump In the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the Eggs broke."
The moral of the story is not to put all Your eggs in one basket..
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next, Mary said, "We are farmers too. We had twenty Eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got Ten chicks."
"The moral of this story is not to count Your chickens before they are hatched"
"Very good ," said the teacher again, very pleased with The response so far.
Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story: "My dad Told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen Was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got Hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all She had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete."
"Go on," said the teacher, intrigued.
"Aunt Karen drank the whiskey on the way down to
Prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle Of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of Them with the machine gun until she ran out of Bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete Till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten With her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher,
"What did Your father say was the moral of that frightening Story?"
The child said "Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been Drinking"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Behind every successful Man... | Add a comment » | Started by Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | A couple were celebrating their 50th marriage Anniversary. The husband
asks his wife at night, "Dear, in the last 50 years you have stood by me through thick and thin. So today be honest and tell me when all have you cheated me."
The wife confesses that she has cheated him three times in last 50 years.
Then the husband asks "When all have you cheated me? When was the
first time ?"
Wife says" The first time was 45 years back, when you wanted tostart a business and the banker was not sanctioning you the loan, well..... one night I invited the banker home".
Husband says" ooh! for the sake of our future and for my business you did this so its OK. So when was the second time?"
Wife says" Remember 40 years ago.. when you got a heart attack and the
surgeon refused to give early date for operation, well... I invited him home one night". For this the husband says" oh! for my life you did this then its OK dear". "So now tell me when was the third time?".
The wife says "you remember 30 years back when you wanted to be the president of our executive club and were contesting for the President's post, and you where short of 47 members support well.....then........................"
By Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | Tough Mice | Add a comment » | Started by Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | Three city mice are sitting at a bar.
The first mouse takes a shot of tequila, slams the glass on the table and says,"I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I walk throughout the house collecting mouse poison, return to my nest and grind up the pellets with my morning coffee -- just for an extra jolt to start off each day."
The mice look at each other. The second mouse slams his whiskey-- throws his glass on the floor and says, "I'm the toughest mouse in this city. I'm so tough that I go up to the trap outside my nest. I trip the lever and make the trap flip in the air. I catch the bar on its way down, bench press it a few times, twirl it over and over with my feet -- then I toss it to the floor, and take the cheese for
breakfast. It's all part of my morning routine."
The third mouse looks at the other two. Bored with the conversation, he sets down his glass of beer and says, "I've had enough of you two. I'm going to go home and screw the cat."
By Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | Camel | Add a comment » | Started by Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: "What's that?"
Lady 2: "A condom. This way my Camel cigarette doesn't get wet."
Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"
Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
By Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | When was the last time anybody saw a "joke" posting by Mark Simmering? | 1 comment » | Started by Chandrashekaran K N, CEO at Indraprasta Consultants | | It happens everyday Chandra....
But the thing is when he is about to click the submit button he closes the window, muttering.........."Inappropriate"
:-) :-) :-) :-):-) :-):-) :-):-) :-):-) :-):-) :-):-) :-):-) :-):-) :-):-) :-):-) :-):-) :-):-) :-):-) :-)
By Jayanth Seshadri, Associate Manager - Talent Search at Precision Group | | Presidents | Add a comment » | Started by Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | The in-office terms of most Presidents are given a name after the President leaves office:
Roosevelt's was The New Deal;
Kennedy's was Camelot.
Johnson's was The Great Society;
Reagan's was simply "The Reagan Years."
Political buffs have reached some agreement on the appropriate name for the Clinton presidency:
"Sex between the Bushes."
By Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | American chewing gum | 1 comment » | Started by Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | LOL -:)
By Harmeet Singh, TAG(WF&RPO)- India Ops & Singapore Ops at MataFlex Technologies | | 3 Chinese | 1 comment » | Started by Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | Three Chinese friends Bu, Chu & Fu went to USA.
They decided to change their names to Americanized versions.
Bu changed his name to Buck & Chu to Chuck. Fu also changed his name, but he was deported to China.
By Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | Flip side of Golf | Add a comment » | Started by Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron
wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
"We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.
"I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball -- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
By Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | The Next Generation | 1 comment » | Started by Shameen Shaikh, Senior Research Analyst at Salesify | | Nice ones!
By Jaydeep Roy, Principal Research Engineer, ACE Technology, Inch'on, KOREA | | Would you Remarry? | 8 comments » | Started by Colleen Lindblad R.N., Home Health Care for the Elderly and Sick(clind1@optonline.net) | | Colleen, WONDERFUL!
By Brian Maloney [LION], Agent at Insurance Associates Marketplace Agency, Inc. | | 16 Wives | 2 comments » | Started by Shameen Shaikh, Senior Research Analyst at Salesify | | hahaha..lolz :)
By Bhumika.U. Tewari, Recruitment Consultant | | Unique, honest and funny greeting cards. | Add a comment » | Started by Shannon Dwyer, Owner at ifuckingloveyou | | I wanted to share my new venture with those that would appreciate it. I just started this and would love some feedback on the humor and also how you feel about it. There is definitely a target market for these cards and I am trying to learn more about the market for these cards from my peers :) Thank to anyone with feedback.
Let me go on record and say that there is nothing "dirty" about my cards, they are just bold, somewhat shocking I suppose and honest... all meant in good humor.
http://www.ifuckingloveyoucards.com
By Shannon Dwyer, Owner at ifuckingloveyou | | Mottos to Work | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
Plagiarism saves time.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
We waste time, so you don't have to.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
Succeed in spite of management.
Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | To be a manager | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up". He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | WIFE | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A few people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG." Another guy says, "What's that?" The first guy says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy." Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, "What's that?" He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids." A lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE." Larry says, "A wife? What's a wife?" She says, "That means, 'Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | News Discussions (2) | Become a Fan of Keith S | 1 comment » | | What does the ape have to do with sonnets? Find out and join the thousands of others who have read this piece as well as other humorous parodies and satires written by Keith S
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