Most Active Discussions (3) | Political Bashing | 18 comments » | Started by Al Macintyre | | Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America . Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force....
More » By Al Macintyre | Discussions (16) | What does your profession say about you? | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | What about Researchers............ where and what do they have in their plate
By Manish Pandey, Subject Matter Expert, Internet Research at Telegenisys Inc (TGSI) | | Parents huge fight | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | omg...lovely one....lol...lol..
By Calvin Wakefield, BD at xtpl | | 8 office humour secrets that won't get you fired | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Bringing humor to the office can have a lot of benefits, but if you're not careful, it can also backfire -- big time. Here are some tips on making sure your attempts at humor don't cross the line and turn you into an April Fool.
1. Start slowly
If you jump right in with a hefty dose of humor, you're likely to make others uncomfortable and alienate potential supporters, no matter how harmless it may seem.
2. Think first
Before you launch any kind of practical joke, consider whether it really will be funny for all involved. If it's likely to make others feel the need to "get even," you're better off calling it off before a vicious cycle begins.
3. Play it safe
If you're not sure whether a particular joke or shenanigan is appropriate, it probably isn't.
4. Be respectful
This doesn't mean you can't poke fun at people from time to time, but only by respecting them first and foremost can you have fun without offending or alienating.
5. Check for negativity
Poking fun at someone as a way to vent negative feelings isn't funny, and can injure inter-office relationships.
6. Avoid sensitive topics
Jokes about someone's weight, age, intelligence, or other personal characteristics have the potential to hurt self-esteem -- and should be absolutely off-limits.
7. Excel first
When you're competent, people respect you, and you can have fun at what you do. But if you're not doing a good job, using humor may work against you and make otherwise innocent fun seem out of place or, worse yet, downright offensive.
8. Don't get carried away
Remember, even where humor is concerned, your best bet is to focus on taking yourself lightly and your work seriously.
Office humor is a wonderful thing that can bring workers together and relieve tension and stress. With these guidelines you will have your colleagues chuckling without offending anyone.
And who knows, maybe your boss appreciates amusing employees. And that's no laughing matter.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Quick Marriage | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half-tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No," she said. "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the Grand Canal."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Medidcal exams | 1 comment » | Started by Brian Wade, Experienced Sales and Channels Professional | | 1. A man comes into the ER and yells ...
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs
and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift
I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths.' I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be.' replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had
died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he informed
me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications.
' Which one ?'. .. . I asked.
'The patch...
The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over f ifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted b y Dr.. Rebecca St .. Clair,
Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR
6. I was performing rounds at the
hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your
breakfast this morning?'
' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. ... Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit ,
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered . . .
It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery...
When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
been dyed green and above it there was a
tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry .. . . had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . .. .. . . . .
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said...
' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down
her cheeks from laughing so hard...
' No doctor but the song you were whistling was ...
' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '
Dr. wouldn't submit his name...
By Brian Wade, Experienced Sales and Channels Professional | | Government of the people, for the people, and by the people | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A little boy goes to his Dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well, son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper, so the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored, and the Future is in Deep Shit."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Strategic Management | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | In the Beginning was the Plan
And then came the Assumptions
And the Assumptions were without form
And the Plan was completely without substance
and the darkness was upon the face of the workers
and they spoke among themselves, saying
"It is a crock of shit and it stinketh."
And the workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth,
"It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odour thereof",
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,
"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong,
Such that none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto them,
"It promotes growth and is very powerful."
And the Vice Presents went unto the President and sayeth unto him,
"This new plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency
of this Organization, and in these areas in particular."
And the President looked upon The Plan,
And saw that it was good, and the Plan became Policy.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | OFFICE HUMOUR (Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair? If yes, try this simple experiment) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Â If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks
 - PUT THEM IN THE ACCOUNTS DEPT.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks
 - PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING.
If they are arranging the bricks in some other order
 - PUT THEM IN PLANNING.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other
 - PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.
If they are sleeping
- PUT THEM IN SECURITY.
 If they have broken the bricks into pieces
 - PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.
 If they are sitting idle
 - PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.
If they have thrown the bricks out of the window
 - PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.
If they have already left for the day
 - PUT THEM IN MARKETING.
AND last but not least....
If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved
-PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMEN
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | OH MAN I'M TIRED! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. -
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills, and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and Mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
"My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months though. You got pregnant last night."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Husband wrote the following letter for his Wife and left it on the dining room table: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being
54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I
value you as a good Wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I
hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be
spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn
Hotel.
Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following
letter on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being
54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you
that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at
our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read
this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my
students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young,
virile, and like your secretary, is
18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent
knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same
situation, although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot
more times than 54 goes into 18!!!
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Speeding Ticket | 2 comments » | Started by Justin William, Payments BU - Sales | | Maths can be fun, it can be used to convince (and even confuse) the other individual.
By Suraj Jethwani, Technical Consultancy and Support | | Moses | 1 comment » | Started by Justin William, Payments BU - Sales | | So that's what took 40 years!
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