Most Active Discussions (3) | Viagra for diarrhea | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju | | If Aunt Susan only watched the advertisements shown ad nauseum on the evening news, she would KNOW that Cialis is the drug made for daily...
More » By Ronald Stern | Discussions (17) | Dating Ladies of Different Countries | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | IRISH WOMEN:
First Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th A nniversary:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
CHINESE WOMEN
First date:
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date:
You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again. Third date:
You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing
is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN
First date:
Meet her parents.
Second date:
Set the date of the wedding. Third date:
Wedding night.
MEXICAN WOMEN
First Date:
You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date:
She's pregnant. Third Date:
She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his
three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
ARAB WOMEN
First Date:
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, A unts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date:
Guy is shot dead. No third date!!!
LEBANESE WOMEN
First Date:
You will have to spend all your money to impress
Second Date:
You will take a loan to keep the image Third Date:
Your are broke, she finds someone wealthier
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Intelligtlady.....pity the husband...JOKE | Add a comment » | Started by Sindhu Madhavan, Sr Manager HR Operations at Top Global Search firm | | Michael, Francis and Ubaldo are standing at the Gates of Heaven being interviewed by St. Peter.
“Ok you, Michael, how many times did you cheat on your wife??”
“Let me be honest Peter. I've been seeing at least two or three different women a year all my married life”.
“Ok, your car in heaven is that Hyundai Santro there. Goodbye.”
St. Peter turns to Francis, “How many times did you cheat on your wife??”
Francis replies, “I must admit that in fifteen years of marriage I did cheat on my wife twice.”
St. Peter says, “OK, your car in heaven is that Honda Civic. Here's the keys. Get going!”
He then looks at Ubaldo, “And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife??”
Ubaldo lifts his head high and replies, “I am proud to say that in over twenty years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife. In fact, my beloved has been dead for two years now and I remained celibate the whole time!”
St Peter replies, “Very impressive. Your car in heaven is that BMW Z4-M Roadster convertible. Goodbye!”
Michael and Francis have driven off and are in a car park nearby waiting for their friend. Ubaldo turns up in his BMW but he is crying his heart out.
Michael asks, “Arrre! What's the matter with you? We should be crying. We're stuck with these cheaper models and you got an expensive BMW!"
Between sobs Ubaldo explains, “I just saw my wife driving a Nano!”
By Sindhu Madhavan, Sr Manager HR Operations at Top Global Search firm | | Mary and her affair | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway.
She yelled at Ralph, "Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!"
Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there."
Mary cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"
So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the n*de, carrying his clothes on his arm.
One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the n*de?"
Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."
Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"
Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home."
Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Sex in the Dark | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a "real one".
She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, "I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | The Polite Way to Pee! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Misunderstanding....CAUSED BY LADIES...for themselves.. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 7 crawl into a hole Situations!
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in town and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blowjob? (She meant blowing her hair for Styling)
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. ! As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank! with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door clos ed behind me were screams of laughter.
5. A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone,a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story...
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Joke for the weekend....KING, QUEEN & The ASS....... | Add a comment » | Started by Sindhu Madhavan, Sr Manager HR Operations at Top Global Search firm | | "A servant enrolled his donkey in a race & won. The local paper read:’ Servant’s ASS WON'
The king was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the servant not to enter the donkey in another race. Next day the local paper headline read:’ KING SCRATCHES Servant’s ASS'. This was too much for theking, he ordered the servant to get rid of the donkey. He gave the donkey to the queen.
The local paper heading the news:"QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN". The king fainted. Queen sold the donkey to a farmer for 10$. Next day paper read:” QUEEN SELLS ASS FOR $10"
This was too much, KING ordered the queen to buy back the donkey & lead it to jungle. The next day Headlines: "QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD & FREE"
The king was buried next day!
By Sindhu Madhavan, Sr Manager HR Operations at Top Global Search firm | | Catholic Men and Women | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" stomach and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | How To Make Love | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
2 Nuts
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed.
For best results, continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft.
If banana does not soften, repeat 4 steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | PETROL SALES PROMOTION | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 'A petrol station owner in Ludhiana was trying to increase his sales. So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'
Soon Santa pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Santa guessed 8, and the proprietor said,
'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'
A week later, Santa, along with his friend a Kashmiri pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Santa guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, the Kashmiri said to Santa 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'
Santa replied, 'No it ain't, . It's not rigged at all'.
My wife won twice last week!!!!.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Old Timer Sex | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy!
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'
'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like crazy, but a good idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed... He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
-- ha..........ha..........ha.............
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Very Good Adult Humor | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | (1)DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone.
A part of me is getting hard already!
(2) NAMES OF WIVES
A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... baby doll
3rd wife.....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol !
(3) HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him
"In Dear?"...
(4) RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!
(5) ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls'?
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"
(6) SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service"
(7) HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy and...
Wife on the cover of "missing persons"
( SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.
(9) GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
(10) DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly. "
(11) VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read :
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "
(12) OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything and he had forgotten everything.
… and for the football fans
Why Do Women Make Better Goalkeepers ?
Cos they can stop 2 balls at one time!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Not all blondes are stupid | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and
bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm 'completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...
'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are stupid.. Not all blondes are dumb, But all men are men.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Funny Interview | Add a comment » | Started by Marshal Maskey, Training Coordinator at Real Solutions' Pvt. Ltd. | | Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Tell Me Properly
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Native Place
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer : What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir
Officer : Describe Your Personality
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Is It Now
Candidate : My Performance....?
Officer : Mp !!!
Candidate : What Is That Sir..?
Officer : Mentally Puncture
By Marshal Maskey, Training Coordinator at Real Solutions' Pvt. Ltd. | | Important American Anti-Terrorist Effort !!! Don't forget to mark your calendars | 4 comments » | Started by Rich Parr, Assistant Vice President at The Connell Co | | Suicide bombers are all motivated by extreme embarrassment by seeing other women than their wives naked???? They are crazy! Some men here would feel suicidal if their wives cheated on them. Suicide is not a national ritual demanded by society here; its an expression "I'll kill myself if my wife has an affair" but we have different attitudes entirely. Most men would be angry or depressed. Some of them will want to swing.
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