Most Active Discussions (3) Discussions (42) | A Love Story Telling The True Fact | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Daniel and Jasmine are sitting alone in the park
one night.
Daniel: I guess VR the left overs in this world.
Jasmine: I think so.All of my friends have boyfriends n vr only the two persons left in this world without any special person in our lives.
Daniel: Yup I don't know what to do?
Jasmine: I know! We'll play a game.
Daniel: Wht game?
Jasmine: I'll be ur girl friend for 30 days and you will be my boy friend.
Daniel: That's a great plan in fact i don't have anything to do for the following weeks.
DAY 1:
They watch their first movie and they both got touched by the romantic film.
DAY 4:
They went to the beach and have a picnic.Daniel n Jasmine have their quality time together.
DAY 12:
Daniel invited Jasmine to a circus and they ride on a Horror House.Jasmine was scared and she wanted to touch Daniel's hand but she touched someone else's hand and they both laughed.
DAY 15:
They saw a fortune teller down the road and they asked for their future advice and the fortune teller said: "My darling, Please don't waste the time of your life.Spend the rest of your time together happily". Then tears flow out from the teller's eyes.
DAY 20:
Jasmine invited Daniel to go to the hill and they saw a meteor.Jasmine mumbled something.
DAY 28:
They sat on the bus and because of a bumpy road Jasmine gave her first kiss to Daniel by accident.
DAY 29:
11:37pm
Jasmine and Daniel sat in the park where they first decided to play this game.
Daniel: I'm tired Jasmine.Do you want any drinks? I'll buy you one.I'll just go down the road.
Jasmine: Apple Juice that's all,
Daniel: Wait for me!
20 minutess later,a stranger approached Jasmine.
Stranger: ru a friend of Daniel?
Jasmine: Why yes? What happened?
Stranger: A reckless drunk driver ran over Daniel and he is critical in the hospital.
11:57pm
The doctor went out of the emergency room and he handed out an apple juice and a letter.
Doctor: We found this in daniel's pocket
Jasmine reads the letter and it says:
Jasmine, This past few days, i realized you are a really cute girl and i am really falling for you.Your cherished smile, your everything when we
played this game.Before this game would end I
would like you to be my girl friend for the rest of my life.
I love you Jasmine.
Jasmine crumples the paper and shouted:
"Daniel ! i don't want you to die.I love you. Remember that night when we saw a meteor, I mumbled something.I mumbled that I wish we would be together forever and never end this game. Please don't leave me Daniel.I love you! u cannot do this to me!"
Then the clock strikes 12.
Daniel's heart stops pumping.
THEN IT WAS THE 30TH DAY.
MESSAGE:-Always love ur loved ones n show thm how u feel before it is too late.u will never know
when they will be gone from your embrace.If u were given a time to bestow petals of everlasting
compassion and love to ur loved ones? Today is the day. Love them while they are still here.
I think this story & the message touhes me so much that i don't want to make anyone else feel sad after reading this but this message really touches our deep emotions deep within.
So guys if you love someone,keep loving.If you have it hidden in your heart just say it because you are wasting the time, where as you can be together.ur reducing the beautifull time of your life.
ur life is decreasing day by day, by one day per day.
This one day could have been better if you would have been together.
So just go for it.
LOVE all.
LOVE Yourself.
Take care.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Twenty New Management Styles | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1) MANAGING BY WALKING FASTER THEN THE EMPLOYEES
These kind of managers you will always see in the corridor, ten steps away. "We'll have to talk" you can hear them say, just as they have disappeared around the corner.
2) MANAGING BY STARING OUT OF THE WINDOW
These managers you usually meet with their backside faced to you with their hands in their pockets. When you talk to them, their thoughts keep staring out
of the windows.
3) MANAGING BY POST-IT'S
Some managers forget everything. They want to impress you with their 'busy'ness by continuously writing on Post-it's while you are talking.
4) MANAGING BY DELEGATION TO THE SECRETARY
These managers just delegate everything to the secretary. If He is good, He knows what she must do.
5) MANAGING BY KNOWING NOTHING
These managers don't really know anything at all. They let YOU give answers. Meanwhile they fill the time with nice anecdotes of irrelevant cases.
6) MANAGING BY CONCEPTUAL THINKING
These people try to explain the present from a theoretical view of the far future. The idea that this never will work, completely satisfies them: They will always have something to talk about.
7) MANAGING BY HIDING INFORMATION
Information hiders are aware of the market value of strictly secret kept information. You must be very thankful to get any information at all. Beware of simulants from category 5!
MANAGING BY DOING EXACTLY WHAT THE BOSS SAYS
These managers prevent their bosses from creative thinking. Else they got more work to do.
9) MANAGING BY WALKING ONE FOOT BEHIND THE BOSS
In hierarchical organizations you can watch those groups walking in the corridor. The more equal managers are directly followed by the lesser equal managers, and so on.
10) MANAGING BY SMILING AND WEARING NICE SUITS
If you drink beer with them, lunch with them, smile to them and also wear nice suits, nothing can stop your career anymore.
11) MANAGING BY STUDYING
Despite their continual attendances of all kind of studies and congresses, they still belong to category 5. The longer they learn, the further they get from
the practice.
12) MANAGING BY CREATING VAGUE OVERHEAD SHEETS
Do you know them? Those sheets with some big arrows, boxes or circles? These sheets provide the ultimate proof of their overall brilliance.
13) MANAGING BY OPEN DOOR AND EMPTY ROOM
This is a major improvement of the older 'OPEN DOOR' management style. Now you can really walk in and out anytime you want. Nobody ever knows where these managers are.
14) MANAGING BY SPEAKING WITH OTHER MANAGERS
This kind of managing is very popular. It will give them within a few hours the same information as an employee can tell them in 15 minutes.
15) MANAGING BY HAVING A NON SUPPORTING INFRASTRUCTURE
In an organization with a hopeless infrastructure, managers are really necessary. These managers will naturally prevent the organization from having a better infrastructure.
16) BUA MANAGEMENT ( BY USING ABBREVIATIONS )
This management style is ATRASACWOC. ( Adopted To Reach A Shorter And Clearer Way Of Communication )
17) MANAGING BY USING BUZZ WORDS
These managers like to bluff your head off with hip, nearly undefined, terms.
1 MANAGING BY REORGANIZATION
If they think there is nothing more to organize, they reorganize.
19) MANAGING BY BELIEVING
These managers must be spiritual educated, because they have no clues at all.
20) MANAGING BY FORGETTING PROMISES
If you remind them to one of their promisses, the priority of that promise is to low to remember.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Ten If's You Need to Know to Get Along at Work: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. If it rings, put it on hold.
2. If it clunks, call the repairman.
3. If it whistles, ignore it.
4. If it's a friend, stop work and chat.
5. If it's the Boss, look busy.
6. If it talks, take notes.
7. If it's handwritten, type it.
8. If it's typed, copy it.
9. If it's copied, file it.
10. If it's Friday, FORGET IT!!!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Great Lines from Job Evaluations | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. I would not allow this employee to breed.
2. This associate is not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won't be.
3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
4. When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whatever foot was previously there.
5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
7. He set low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
9. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
11. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard was not looking.
12. A room temperature IQ.
13. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it together.
14. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
15. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
16. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
17. Bright as Alaska in December.
18. One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
19. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
20. Fell out of the family tree.
21. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
22. Has two brains: one is lost; the other one is out looking for it.
23. He's so dense, light bends around him.
24. If brains were taxed, she would get a refund.
25. If he were anymore stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you will get change.
27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
28. It is hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
29. On neuron short of a synapse.
30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
31. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.
32. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
33. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
34. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | "I've got some good news and some bad news". | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | One day The Lord came to Adam, and said, "I've got some good news and some bad news".
Adam said, "Well, give me the good news first."
The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are indeed great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | SEMINAR FOR ALL MALE STAFF(The female staff will be offering courses to all men in the company.Please note the name of some courses have changed) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Attendance in at least 10 of the following courses is compulsory
1. Combating stupidity
2. You Too Can Do Housework!
3. PMS - Learning When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
4. How to Fill an Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas - Give Us Money!
6. Understand the Female Response to Coming Home Drunk at 4:00 am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly called "Don't Wash My stuff")
8. Parenting - NO, It Doesn't End With Conception
9. Get A Life - Learn to Cook
10. How Not to Act Like an Asshole When You're Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right!
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You - The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons to Give Flowers
15. How to stay Awake After Sex
16. Why It's Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere But The Bathroom
17. Rubbish - Getting it To The Curb
18. You CAN Fall Asleep Without It - If You Really Try
19. The Morning Dilemma - If "ITS" Awake, Take a Shower
20. I'll Wear It If I Damn Well Please
21. How To Put The Toilet Lid Down (formerly called "No, It's Not a Bidet")
22. The Weekend and Sports are NOT Synonymous
23. Give Me A Break - Why We Know Your Excuses Are Bullshit
24. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without Getting Lost
25. The Remote Control - Overcoming Your Dependency
26. Romanticism - Other Ideas Besides Sex
27. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
28. Mothers-in-Law - They Are People Too
29. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
30. You Too Can Be a Designated Driver
31. Male Bonding - Leaving Your Friends at Home
32. Honest, You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson, Especially When Naked
33. Changing Your Underwear - It Really Works!
34. Fluffing the Blanket After Farting is NOT Necessary
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Three reasons computers must be male... | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. You have to 'turn them on' to get their attention.
2. Although they are supposed to solve problems, half the time they are the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if only you had waited you could have had a better model.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | There are three kinds of men; | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. The ones who learn by reading.
2. The few who learn by observation.
3. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them:
"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll sleep with her again!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert to you. But what you may not know is that many of them have a gender. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert to you. But what you may not know is that many of them have a gender. For example:
1. Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in but you can see right through them.
2. Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but it can wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
3. Tire -- Male, because it goes bald, and often it's over-inflated.
4. Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it -- and, of course, there's the hot air part.
5. Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain water.
6. Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7. Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick up people.
8. Hourglass -- Female, because, over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9. Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10. Remote Control -- Female . . . Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider: it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | The Future of Marriage: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | For all those men who believe that there's no reason to buy the cow when you can get the milk free, nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, as they too have wised up to the fact that, for 7 ounces of sausage, it's not worth buying the entire pig!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Two "senior" widows, are talking(wear an old dress) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Two "senior" widows, are talking. . .
Shannon: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. . . I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7:00 p.m. and dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit. He brought me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a beautiful car. . . a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner - marvelous dinner - lobster. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Shannon, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"
Shannon: "Goodness gracious! So, are you telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
Edna: "No, no, no. . . I'm just saying, wear an old dress!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Condom display | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?
"Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March. . ."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A college teacher | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A woman | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings. "Mom," said the little boy, "what are all those women doing?
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"
"Most of them are cab drivers," she replied.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Why chicks should avoid a girls night after they are married: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight." He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh shit!", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Typical macho man | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.
"Just so there are no misunderstandings, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night. . . whether you're here or not."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Clever Doctors..LOL | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A young doctor had moved into a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could get to know him.
At the first house, a woman complained: "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing on fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you reach your diagnosis so quickly?" "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Well," the younger doctor said, "pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house." Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the same energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doctor said, "Your diagnosis is probably correct, but how did you arrive at it?"
"Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope on the floor, and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed a Preacher under the bed."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | What's Good For The Goose... | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Young Couple On Honeymoon | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A young couple got married. On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex because they were both virgins. Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of "having sex."
This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept. Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful. They "did the laundry" 5 times that first night. In the middle of the night the new husband woke up, and he was ready to do the laundry again. He gently shook his new wife and asked her, "Can we do the laundry again?" but she was very tired.
She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet. Maybe in the morning. A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling very guilty. What he had asked for wasn't unreasonable, and she decided she should go ahead and "do the laundry" with him again.
She gently shook him and said, "Honey, I'm sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry again if you want,"
He replied, "That's ok... It was a small load... I did it by hand
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Why men do not write advice columns! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my
husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling
increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburator.
Hope this helps.
Sincerely, Walter
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A COMPUTER WITH A BRAIN(NEW PASSWORD) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | THE NEW PASSWORD
A woman was helping her husband set up his new computer, and at the appropriate time in the process, told him he would now need to enter a password. Something he would use to log-on. Her husband was in a rather devilish mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in:
P...
E...
N...
I...
S...
His wife fell out of her chair laughing when the computer replied
***PASSWORD INVALID...........NOT LONG ENOUGH
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Blind Dates(Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always willing to "fix up" unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as "perfect for you".
However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what these girls may be like. After considerable research, as a public service, I have attempted to translate some of these descriptive
phrases into plain English:
dandy little house keeper:
She has been married three times and kept all the houses
fine character:
She's ugly
knows how to handle money:
She's a spendthrift and great at spending yours
spotless reputation:
She's ugly
strong family ties:
She's a Mafia Princess
loves children:
She's pregnant and needs a husband
wonderful personality:
She's fat
great sense of humor:
She's fat and will laugh at anything you say
the outdoor type:
She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, and shaves just like the guys
ready to settle down:
She's thirty-five, in a state of panic, and dying to marry
likes to have a good time:
She gets drunk a lot
lots of fun at parties:
Often makes an ass of herself
mature woman:
She's at least thirty, but looks at least forty-five
has the appearance of a young school girl:
She's at least thirty-three, but dresses like a teenager
casual:
She dresses like a slob
decorated her own place:
Her apartment resembles a pig sty
a great dancer:
She'll wear the soles right off your shoes
not overly emotional:
She only cries twenty-seven times a day
doesn't chase men:
She's more of a mousetrap or a black widow spider type
seldom dates:
She's a lesbian who needs a male escort for something
understands men:
She's been married and divorced four times
a good sport:
She knows two hundred jokes and can drink you under the table
looks and dresses like a model:
She's five eleven and weighs seventy three pounds
been in show business:
She's a former porn movie star
traveled a lot:
She's searched high and low for a husband
knows a lot of interesting people:
None of whom would marry her
wonderful disposition:
She's ugly
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Viagra Wasted? | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour."
"Perfect," she replies.
The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife?
She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half."
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper..."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Single Woman's Prayer | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Now I lay me down to sleep.Please don't send me no more creeps.Please just send me one good man.One without a wedding band.
One good man who's sweet as pie.Who brushed his teeth and doesn't lie.Who dresses neat and doesn't smell.
And is sexy like my man Denzel.Is super-rich like Michael J.On second thought, that's okay.
Man, if I should die before I wake,that would truly take the cake;No matrimony or honeymoon.No fancy reception planned for June.No throwing of the wedding bouquet.Please, God, don't let me go out that way.
If I die before I meet Mr. Right I won't go out without a fight.But then again with my luck,He'd probably be just some schmuck.
The single life is not that bad I know it's just a passing fad. I won't be blue. I will not frown.
Besides, I like my toilet seat down. No more makeup, won't comb my hair. So never mind this stupid prayer.
The single life will do just fine. So what's up, girlfriend? IT'S PARTY TIME!!!!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Rules for all Women in World.... | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
2. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
3. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
4. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
5. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put the mall there.
6. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
7. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.
8. The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks.
9. Never sleep with a man who's named his penis.
10. Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway.
11. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay.
12. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
13. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
14. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
15. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
16. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
17. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
18. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
19. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually "Oh all right, I'll stay the night."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Spanish Teacher | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your money on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that had you waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.
The women won.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Threesome | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and we had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I ever had a 'Sportsman's Double?'
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
'Oh...' I said as my mind began to embrace the idea, 'No, I haven't.'
And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like. We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was 'my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom, you still awake'?
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Gynecologist | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A gorgeous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her and all his professionalism flew out the window. He was overwhelmed with passion and desire and immediately told her to get undressed.
After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing
so, he said, "Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "You're checking for abrasions and dermatological
abnormalities.
"That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do
you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "You're checking for lumps which might indicate breast
cancer."
"Correct," replied the doctor.
Then he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes.... which is why I'm here."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | White Hair | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, "Momma, how come *all* of grandma's hairs are white?"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | This is how business is done!! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. "
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything.. But your
attitude should be +ve...
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Corporate Terminology | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Good One lol :-)
By Sowmya Chandra, Human Resource Professional | | Blondes and Candy | Add a comment » | Started by George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | | Someone saw a blonde eating a Tootsie Roll Pop and asked her, "So,... how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?"
Without a thought, the blonde replied, "Beats me, but it took almost the whole day just to lick through the wrapper."
By George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | | Solving your problems | Add a comment » | Started by George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | | In California, there is a six-month waiting period to file for divorce, but only a 15-day waiting period to purchase a handgun.
Is the government trying to give advice on how to solve our relationship problems?
By George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | | Accidents | Add a comment » | Started by George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | | Children in the dark causes accidents.
Accidents in the dark cause children.
By George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | | Men are like: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Laxatives-They irritate the shit out of you.
Bananas-The older they get, the less firm they are.
Vacations-They never seem to be long enough.
Weather-Nothing can be done to change them.
Blenders-You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
Chocolate Bars -Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
Coffee-The best ones are rich, warm, & can keep you up all night long.
Commercials-You can't believe a word they say.
Department Stores-Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
Government Bonds-They take so long to mature.
Mascara-They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Popcorn-They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Snowstorms-You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Lava Lamps-Fun to look at, but not very bright.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Walk In The Garden Of Eden | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Adam was walking in the Garden with God one day, and God asked him what he thought of Eve.
"She is truly a wonderful creation," Adam answered. "And I am very blessed to have her."
He asked God if he could ask a few questions. "Of course," said God.
"Eve is so beautiful, God," said Adam. "Why did you make her so beautiful?"
God said, "So you will always find pleasure in looking at her."
Adam said, "Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?"
God replied, "So you will always want to touch her, of course."
"She always smells so good. Why does she smell so good?" asked Adam.
God said, "So you will always find it pleasing to be near her." Adam nodded.
"She truly is wonderful, Lord," said Adam. "I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?"
God replied, "So she would love you!"
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