Most Active Discussions (3) Discussions (31) | A young Japanese girl | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when she got married she was to please her husband and never do anything to upset him.
So the first morning of her honeymoon, when the young Japanese bride crawled out of bed after making love, she stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes and let out a big fart.
Blushing, she quickly looked up and said, "'Scuse please, front hole so happy, back hole whistle."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | ============================================ "BLONDES ARE NOT STUPID" CONVENTION ============================================ | Add a comment » | Started by Deepak Bhatia, Business Development Executive - US Sales at Tech Mahindra | | 80,000 blondes are gathered for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "18!" Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then, 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "90?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened. The blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "OK! OK! Just one more chance. What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "4?". Throughout the stadium, pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream ... Give her another chance! Give her another chance!
By Deepak Bhatia, Business Development Executive - US Sales at Tech Mahindra | | Thanks to Apple™ everyone is now happy. | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Apple™ announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.
The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599. This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Thanks to Apple™ everyone is now happy.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | "Hello?"
"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause,
Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, Right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay, Daddy, Just a minute."
A few minutes later The little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it, Daddy."
"And what happened, honey?" He asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
Long Pause
Longer Pause
Even Longer Pause
Then Daddy says,
"Swimming pool? Is this 555-486-5731?"
"No, I think you have the wrong number."
CLICK!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No!" she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
"Yes!" she replied.
Then I said, "I'd like to phone a friend." That's the last thing I remember.
Bed with springs for legs
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | New Sex Study... | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position.
The husband sits up and begs.
The wife rolls over and plays dead.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | ======== WOMEN ======== | Add a comment » | Started by Deepak Bhatia, Business Development Executive - US Sales at Tech Mahindra | | Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy......
By Deepak Bhatia, Business Development Executive - US Sales at Tech Mahindra | | Drinking! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | John is sitting in a bar drinking his drink when an old man walks by and says; "I did your mother."
John ignores the old man and keeps drinking. A little while later the same old man walks by and says; "I did your mother."
John once again ignores him and keeps drinking.
About ten minutes later the old man walks by again and says; "I did your mother and your mother bl... me every night."
Finally John says; "You're drunk Dad, go home."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Finally! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | After being laid off from five different jobs in the past year, Ralph was hired by a warehouse.
Unfortunately, one day he lost control of the forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said, "I'm sorry, Ralph, but I'm going to have to withhold 10% of each of your paychecks until we have enough to pay back the damage."
"How much will it cost?" Ralph asked.
"About $5,000," the owner replied.
"Finally!" Ralph exclaimed. "Job security!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Tea parties in America | Add a comment » | Started by SIDDHARTH SEHGAL, Student assistant at UAB School of Engineering | | an immigrant prespective on American politics.
an article from my blog post
Each university has a International student office and this office arrange these orientation sessions to tell things about American lifestyle, which most of the International students already knowThey always ask one same question at the beginning everytime, “How many of you don’t have passports?”, we thought that the counsellor went Nuts but later on people realized that she was reffering to Mexicans!! . WARNING, TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED.
It is strange that these Latinoes ilegales are the largest number of labour force in United States. What’s more strange is the difference in stand, of large number of Americans on this issue from Arizona, Politics, is another interesting aspect of American society. After, the counsellor was conviced that everyone in the session was legal, they started telling mythological stories about Social Security Number(SSN), immigration documents and rules, Inssurance and Health care , another hotly debated topic in United States, it was so hot that Americans started a TEA PARTY movement after some months, I always get confused between Democrats and Republicans, so I don’t know who started it first. Even though, their was no Tea in this movement because American like Coffee more but, it was really interesting to watch that wether it’s India or America, Governments are considered public enemy number one everywhere.
http://www.fobscure.com/?p=133
By SIDDHARTH SEHGAL, Student assistant at UAB School of Engineering | | She just isn't good enough for me. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | "Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me.
She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night.
She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter.
Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | just can't take that chance. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A man, his wife and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them, 'You can have her shipped home for £5000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for £150.'
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, 'Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and spend only £150?'
The man replied, 'a man died here 2,000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.'
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | just can't take that chance. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A man, his wife and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them, 'You can have her shipped home for £5000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for £150.'
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, 'Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and spend only £150?'
The man replied, 'a man died here 2,000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.'
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | My daughter is your reward | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Can he do it? | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."
The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars."
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars."
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | How to make a woman/Man happy. | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | where's my woman? I want a woman?
Neil
VNBCinc@gmail.com
By Neil Farbstein, President of Vulvox Nanobiotechnology Corporation | | Grandma and Grandpa | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Grandma and Grandpa were driving from Washington to Florida to attend their granddaughter's graduation from medical school.
Halfway through their trip, they stopped to visit one of their sons in Kansas for a night. Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in the Medicine cabinet. He asked his son about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa.
"Around $10.00 a pill," answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one and we'll be leaving early in the morning, so I'll put the money under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow. He immediately called Grandpa on his cell phone and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Ovemaking Tips for Seniors | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember it.
6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed or between the thighs.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | she whispered. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point beyond her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle stroking then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.
The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
"Why are you stopping?" she whispered.
He whispered back, "I found the remote."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | You KNOW you are a nurse when :- | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | You believe that all bleeding stops ... eventually.
You find humor in other people's stupidity.
You believe that 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm.
Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
You plan your dinner break whilst lavaging an overdose patient.
Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers.
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group.
You have the bladder capacity of five people.
Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see.
You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.
You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign a self discharge form so you don't have to deal with them any longer.
You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.
You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet isn't it".
You threaten to strangle anyone who even starts to say the "q" word when it is even remotely calm.
You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers at the grocery store.
You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".
You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide ... Doing It Right".
You feel that most suicide attempts should be given a free subscription to "Guns and Ammo" magazine.
You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".
You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
You think that caffeine should be available in I/V form.
You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.
You play poker by betting ectopics on ECG strips.
You want the lab to perform a "dumb shit profile".
You have been exposed to so many X-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control.
You believe that waiting room time should be proportional to length of time from symptom onset.
Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 hours / days / weeks / months / years)?".
You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered some food.
Your idea of gambling is an blood alcohol level pool instead of a football pool.
You shock someone with an unrecognizable rhythm ... until you get one you DO recognize.
You believe a book entitled 'Suicide: Getting it Right the First Time' will be your next project.
You have ever referred to someone's death as a 'transfer to part 3 accomodation'.
You call subcutaneous emphysema "Rice Krispies".
Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the backyard.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | THE FEMALE ALWAYS MAKES THE RULES | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A. The rules are subject to change at any time without notice.
B. No male can possibly know all the rules. Nearly all females are born with this knowledge.
C. If the female suspects the male knows any of the rules, she may immediately change any or all of the rules.
2. THE FEMALE IS NEVER WRONG
A. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
B. If rule 2A applies, the male must apologise immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
3. THE FEMALE CAN CHANGE HER MIND AT ANY GIVEN POINT
A. The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.
4. THE FEMALE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY OR UPSET AT ANY TIME
A. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
B. The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
5. ANY ATTEMPT BY THE MALE TO CHANGE ANY OF THESE RULES COULD RESULT IN SEVERE BODILY HARM.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 40 reasons, men are happier!!!!!!!!! | 1 comment » | Started by Amitesh Chandan, Research Associate (Finance) at Shore Infotech India Private Limited | | the most important reason.. U hardly bother for small counting or printing mistakes like writing no. 11 twice. U don't think yourself a genius even if you noticed.
By Amitesh Chandan, Research Associate (Finance) at Shore Infotech India Private Limited | | This is how business is done!! | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Ah yes. Lies, deception untruths, and complete cluelessness.
By George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | | Accidents | 1 comment » | Started by George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | | Children at back seats cause accidents.
Accidents at back seats cause children
By sanjiv srivastava, senior manager at Schenker International | | What is Love?! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood.
He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries.
She says, 'Well, what did you do for love?'
He says, 'Love? What's that?'
She says, 'I'll show you.'
She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows him one more time. When they're finally done, she says, 'Well, how do you like love?'
He says, 'It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger.'
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Women's/Men's version: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Women's version:
* Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
* Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
* Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
* Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
* Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
* Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Men's version:
* Man2: Haircut?
* Man1: Yeah.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Why Are Wedding Dresses White? | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question: "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom and goes off to double- check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Moods of a woman/Man | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | moods of a woman::an angel of truth n a dreamof fiction,shes afraid of a wasp,will scream at a mouse,but will tackle a stranger alone in da house,she'll kiss u one minute,then turn up her nose,she will win u in rage,enchant u in silk,she'll b stronger than brandy,milder than milk,at times she willb vengeful,merry n sad,she will hate u like poison n love u like mad
moods of a man::hungry ,sleepy and horny
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are getting married! | Add a comment » | Started by Mario L. Castellanos, Owner, MLC New Ventures - Technology, Security, Broadcast Communications, and Telecommunications Sectors | | .
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore ... Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "You bet!"
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure do."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
Pharmacist: "Sure."
Jacob: "Good. We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
By Mario L. Castellanos, Owner, MLC New Ventures - Technology, Security, Broadcast Communications, and Telecommunications Sectors | Don't want to receive email notifications? Adjust your message settings. LinkedIn values your privacy. At no time has LinkedIn made your email address available to any other LinkedIn user without your permission. © 2010, LinkedIn Corporation. |
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