Discussions (17) | She just isn't good enough for me. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | "Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me.
She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night.
She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter.
Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | just can't take that chance. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A man, his wife and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them, 'You can have her shipped home for £5000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for £150.'
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, 'Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and spend only £150?'
The man replied, 'a man died here 2,000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.'
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | My daughter is your reward | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Can he do it? | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."
The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars."
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars."
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with the letter "t."
Examples of those days are as follows:
Tuesday
Thursday
Today
Tomorrow
Thanksgiving
Thaturday
Thunday
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Grandma and Grandpa | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Grandma and Grandpa were driving from Washington to Florida to attend their granddaughter's graduation from medical school.
Halfway through their trip, they stopped to visit one of their sons in Kansas for a night. Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in the Medicine cabinet. He asked his son about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa.
"Around $10.00 a pill," answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one and we'll be leaving early in the morning, so I'll put the money under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow. He immediately called Grandpa on his cell phone and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Ovemaking Tips for Seniors | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember it.
6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed or between the thighs.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | she whispered. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point beyond her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle stroking then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.
The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
"Why are you stopping?" she whispered.
He whispered back, "I found the remote."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | You KNOW you are a nurse when :- | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | You believe that all bleeding stops ... eventually.
You find humor in other people's stupidity.
You believe that 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm.
Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
You plan your dinner break whilst lavaging an overdose patient.
Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers.
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group.
You have the bladder capacity of five people.
Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see.
You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.
You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign a self discharge form so you don't have to deal with them any longer.
You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.
You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet isn't it".
You threaten to strangle anyone who even starts to say the "q" word when it is even remotely calm.
You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers at the grocery store.
You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".
You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide ... Doing It Right".
You feel that most suicide attempts should be given a free subscription to "Guns and Ammo" magazine.
You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".
You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
You think that caffeine should be available in I/V form.
You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.
You play poker by betting ectopics on ECG strips.
You want the lab to perform a "dumb shit profile".
You have been exposed to so many X-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control.
You believe that waiting room time should be proportional to length of time from symptom onset.
Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 hours / days / weeks / months / years)?".
You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered some food.
Your idea of gambling is an blood alcohol level pool instead of a football pool.
You shock someone with an unrecognizable rhythm ... until you get one you DO recognize.
You believe a book entitled 'Suicide: Getting it Right the First Time' will be your next project.
You have ever referred to someone's death as a 'transfer to part 3 accomodation'.
You call subcutaneous emphysema "Rice Krispies".
Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the backyard.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | THE FEMALE ALWAYS MAKES THE RULES | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A. The rules are subject to change at any time without notice.
B. No male can possibly know all the rules. Nearly all females are born with this knowledge.
C. If the female suspects the male knows any of the rules, she may immediately change any or all of the rules.
2. THE FEMALE IS NEVER WRONG
A. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
B. If rule 2A applies, the male must apologise immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
3. THE FEMALE CAN CHANGE HER MIND AT ANY GIVEN POINT
A. The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.
4. THE FEMALE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY OR UPSET AT ANY TIME
A. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
B. The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
5. ANY ATTEMPT BY THE MALE TO CHANGE ANY OF THESE RULES COULD RESULT IN SEVERE BODILY HARM.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | What is Love?! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood.
He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries.
She says, 'Well, what did you do for love?'
He says, 'Love? What's that?'
She says, 'I'll show you.'
She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows him one more time. When they're finally done, she says, 'Well, how do you like love?'
He says, 'It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger.'
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Women's/Men's version: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Women's version:
* Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
* Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
* Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
* Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
* Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
* Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Men's version:
* Man2: Haircut?
* Man1: Yeah.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Why Are Wedding Dresses White? | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question: "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom and goes off to double- check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Moods of a woman/Man | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | moods of a woman::an angel of truth n a dreamof fiction,shes afraid of a wasp,will scream at a mouse,but will tackle a stranger alone in da house,she'll kiss u one minute,then turn up her nose,she will win u in rage,enchant u in silk,she'll b stronger than brandy,milder than milk,at times she willb vengeful,merry n sad,she will hate u like poison n love u like mad
moods of a man::hungry ,sleepy and horny
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are getting married! | Add a comment » | Started by Mario L. Castellanos, Owner, MLC New Ventures - Technology, Security, Broadcast Communications, and Telecommunications Sectors | | Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore ... Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "You bet!"
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure do."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
Pharmacist: "Sure."
Jacob: "Good. We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
By Mario L. Castellanos, Owner, MLC New Ventures - Technology, Security, Broadcast Communications, and Telecommunications Sectors | | A Love Story Telling The True Fact | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Daniel and Jasmine are sitting alone in the park
one night.
Daniel: I guess VR the left overs in this world.
Jasmine: I think so.All of my friends have boyfriends n vr only the two persons left in this world without any special person in our lives.
Daniel: Yup I don't know what to do?
Jasmine: I know! We'll play a game.
Daniel: Wht game?
Jasmine: I'll be ur girl friend for 30 days and you will be my boy friend.
Daniel: That's a great plan in fact i don't have anything to do for the following weeks.
DAY 1:
They watch their first movie and they both got touched by the romantic film.
DAY 4:
They went to the beach and have a picnic.Daniel n Jasmine have their quality time together.
DAY 12:
Daniel invited Jasmine to a circus and they ride on a Horror House.Jasmine was scared and she wanted to touch Daniel's hand but she touched someone else's hand and they both laughed.
DAY 15:
They saw a fortune teller down the road and they asked for their future advice and the fortune teller said: "My darling, Please don't waste the time of your life.Spend the rest of your time together happily". Then tears flow out from the teller's eyes.
DAY 20:
Jasmine invited Daniel to go to the hill and they saw a meteor.Jasmine mumbled something.
DAY 28:
They sat on the bus and because of a bumpy road Jasmine gave her first kiss to Daniel by accident.
DAY 29:
11:37pm
Jasmine and Daniel sat in the park where they first decided to play this game.
Daniel: I'm tired Jasmine.Do you want any drinks? I'll buy you one.I'll just go down the road.
Jasmine: Apple Juice that's all,
Daniel: Wait for me!
20 minutess later,a stranger approached Jasmine.
Stranger: ru a friend of Daniel?
Jasmine: Why yes? What happened?
Stranger: A reckless drunk driver ran over Daniel and he is critical in the hospital.
11:57pm
The doctor went out of the emergency room and he handed out an apple juice and a letter.
Doctor: We found this in daniel's pocket
Jasmine reads the letter and it says:
Jasmine, This past few days, i realized you are a really cute girl and i am really falling for you.Your cherished smile, your everything when we
played this game.Before this game would end I
would like you to be my girl friend for the rest of my life.
I love you Jasmine.
Jasmine crumples the paper and shouted:
"Daniel ! i don't want you to die.I love you. Remember that night when we saw a meteor, I mumbled something.I mumbled that I wish we would be together forever and never end this game. Please don't leave me Daniel.I love you! u cannot do this to me!"
Then the clock strikes 12.
Daniel's heart stops pumping.
THEN IT WAS THE 30TH DAY.
MESSAGE:-Always love ur loved ones n show thm how u feel before it is too late.u will never know
when they will be gone from your embrace.If u were given a time to bestow petals of everlasting
compassion and love to ur loved ones? Today is the day. Love them while they are still here.
I think this story & the message touhes me so much that i don't want to make anyone else feel sad after reading this but this message really touches our deep emotions deep within.
So guys if you love someone,keep loving.If you have it hidden in your heart just say it because you are wasting the time, where as you can be together.ur reducing the beautifull time of your life.
ur life is decreasing day by day, by one day per day.
This one day could have been better if you would have been together.
So just go for it.
LOVE all.
LOVE Yourself.
Take care.
You have 14 minutes
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Twenty New Management Styles | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1) MANAGING BY WALKING FASTER THEN THE EMPLOYEES
These kind of managers you will always see in the corridor, ten steps away. "We'll have to talk" you can hear them say, just as they have disappeared around the corner.
2) MANAGING BY STARING OUT OF THE WINDOW
These managers you usually meet with their backside faced to you with their hands in their pockets. When you talk to them, their thoughts keep staring out
of the windows.
3) MANAGING BY POST-IT'S
Some managers forget everything. They want to impress you with their 'busy'ness by continuously writing on Post-it's while you are talking.
4) MANAGING BY DELEGATION TO THE SECRETARY
These managers just delegate everything to the secretary. If He is good, He knows what she must do.
5) MANAGING BY KNOWING NOTHING
These managers don't really know anything at all. They let YOU give answers. Meanwhile they fill the time with nice anecdotes of irrelevant cases.
6) MANAGING BY CONCEPTUAL THINKING
These people try to explain the present from a theoretical view of the far future. The idea that this never will work, completely satisfies them: They will always have something to talk about.
7) MANAGING BY HIDING INFORMATION
Information hiders are aware of the market value of strictly secret kept information. You must be very thankful to get any information at all. Beware of simulants from category 5!
MANAGING BY DOING EXACTLY WHAT THE BOSS SAYS
These managers prevent their bosses from creative thinking. Else they got more work to do.
9) MANAGING BY WALKING ONE FOOT BEHIND THE BOSS
In hierarchical organizations you can watch those groups walking in the corridor. The more equal managers are directly followed by the lesser equal managers, and so on.
10) MANAGING BY SMILING AND WEARING NICE SUITS
If you drink beer with them, lunch with them, smile to them and also wear nice suits, nothing can stop your career anymore.
11) MANAGING BY STUDYING
Despite their continual attendances of all kind of studies and congresses, they still belong to category 5. The longer they learn, the further they get from
the practice.
12) MANAGING BY CREATING VAGUE OVERHEAD SHEETS
Do you know them? Those sheets with some big arrows, boxes or circles? These sheets provide the ultimate proof of their overall brilliance.
13) MANAGING BY OPEN DOOR AND EMPTY ROOM
This is a major improvement of the older 'OPEN DOOR' management style. Now you can really walk in and out anytime you want. Nobody ever knows where these managers are.
14) MANAGING BY SPEAKING WITH OTHER MANAGERS
This kind of managing is very popular. It will give them within a few hours the same information as an employee can tell them in 15 minutes.
15) MANAGING BY HAVING A NON SUPPORTING INFRASTRUCTURE
In an organization with a hopeless infrastructure, managers are really necessary. These managers will naturally prevent the organization from having a better infrastructure.
16) BUA MANAGEMENT ( BY USING ABBREVIATIONS )
This management style is ATRASACWOC. ( Adopted To Reach A Shorter And Clearer Way Of Communication )
17) MANAGING BY USING BUZZ WORDS
These managers like to bluff your head off with hip, nearly undefined, terms.
1 MANAGING BY REORGANIZATION
If they think there is nothing more to organize, they reorganize.
19) MANAGING BY BELIEVING
These managers must be spiritual educated, because they have no clues at all.
20) MANAGING BY FORGETTING PROMISES
If you remind them to one of their promisses, the priority of that promise is to low to remember.
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