Most Active Discussions (3) | The Never Ending Question | 48 comments » | Started by Jodine Ibeme (Jodi) | | No, but I've followed the Yellow Brick Road. And, did it lead me to Oz? Not exactly...there I saw a Blue Bayou, a Pink Cadillac drenched...
More » By Helene Wong | Discussions (13) | ballerina!" | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a Bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.
But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"
The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Bunty@Heaven | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Bunty died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate, Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T"
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Bunty thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"
The Bunty replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc....."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Affair with Boss | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all work in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early.
One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them.
"NO WAY," she exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Drunk & The Nun | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.
As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.
Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.
This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.
By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much, so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said.........."Not so strong tonight, are you Batman?"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Wife's Photograph | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A businessman entered a Pub, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks.
After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch.
After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch.
Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another."
The customer replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Extra Large | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A guy walks into a Texas bar and orders a small glass beer. When the bartender comes with the drink it was the size of a a keg. The guy says that he just ordered a small glass of beer.
Bartender says, "That is a small glass of beer, son. Everything in Texas is big."
Then he ordered a small steak. When the waitress brings it to him, it is this huge 40 oz. piece of meat. The guy says that he only ordered a small steak.
The waitress says, "Son, everything is big in Texas.
After eating he asks where the bathroom is and is told to take the third door on the right. By now he is a bit smashed and though he carefully counts the doors, he enters the third door on the left and falls into a pool. He returns to the bar soaking wet.
"What in Hell happened to you?" asks the barkeep.
"Oh man, I fell in the damn toilet!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Cheers! The advantages of drinking Beer | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakestmembers.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the lowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Spielberg and Chinese | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.”
The astonished Chinese man replied “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese”. “Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”
Shocked, Spielberg replies “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”
The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Really Bad Day | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | There was a guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me.
When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing.
I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”
“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar.
And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Control Over Wife | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”
The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”
The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” They asked. She said, “get out from under the bed and fight like a man”.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | First Class Blondie | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section.
She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one.
The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.
Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.
She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot andflight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.
He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | How six cents cause the stock market to swing down almost 1000 points. | Add a comment » | Started by Larry Steinhouse, Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur, Motivator | | So many of us have experienced the “Law of Attraction”. We know that our conscience thoughts truly drive our realities. Napoleon Hill’s “Laws of Success” and “Think and Grow Rich” are filled with these types of insights.
In T.Harv Eker’s, “Secrets of the Millionaire Mind”, he writes about how our money blueprint can cause us to have certain behaviors with money. Some of these behaviors may be giving money away, spending it, or simply treating it poorly. Basically, he says that if you treat money poorly it will go away and find someone who will treat it better than you did.
In My book “If I Won 25 Million Dollars in the Lottery, A Book about Money, Hope and Happiness”, I call it a relationship with money. Money, like your spouse, will leave you if you treat it poorly.
Finally in “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne, she talks about a time where she was getting bills in the mail. She hated getting the bills and wished it was money instead. Using her “Law of Attraction” theories and practices, she actually started to visualize the checks coming in instead of the bills. After awhile checks actually started coming in.
So what does all of this have to do with the stock market 1000 point drop and six cents?
Hold on, I am getting to that…
Recently, I started to put all of this into practice. I started to save money as T. Harv Eker describes in his book. I started to visualize money coming from unexpected sources. I started to care for my relationship with money and treat it with respect.
Very quickly over a short few months, my bank account started to build. I started to actually get money from unexpected sources. I actually got a letter from the state of New Jersey saying they had abandoned funds that they believed belonged to me. They sent me a check for $353. I received some other unexpected sources as well. I found 2 one dollar bills one day on my daily walk. Money was truly starting to feel respected and money was coming to me and I was happy with that.
Here is what happened next;
I have a certain amount of money that I put in an option trading account. I have been doing very well with this account this year. I would buy the options for a few cents then look for a 50% or more profit and get out. I have to admit this not a huge part of my savings, but it is still an important part.
The day before the crazy swing of 1000 points, I bought some options. These options were to bet that the 3 stocks would go up in the next 3 weeks. The concept of options may difficult to some reading this, but just understand that they have a time period and if your “call” does not happen in a certain time frame, you lose all of your initial investment.
So where was I…
Oh yea, I bought options for stocks to go up with a date to expire within 3 weeks. The next day, Thursday, the fateful day, I was talking my daily walk around my neighborhood. I walk just about every day very early in the morning. I usually walk at a fairly quick pace, usually uninterrupted. That day I remember walking and looking down at the ground. In front of me were a shinny nickel and a dull penny. As I walked and looked down, I thought “I don’t need to pick up that nickel and penny, it’s only six cents!”; so I didn’t pick it up and just kept walking.
Well the Law of Attraction bit me in the wallet that day. The stock market swing caused me to lose almost half of option trading account. All because I didn’t pick up the 6 cents
So why did the stock market shot back over 400 points on Monday? Well, I was walking that morning and on my walk was 2 pennies; and you guessed it, I picked them up!
The moral of this story is simple; money is money, treat it with respect, tell it you want it and it will come to you. Ignore it and it will go to someone who wants it.
I bet you will never look at a penny in the street the same way again.
www.larrysteinhouse.com
By Larry Steinhouse, Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur, Motivator | | Social Media Optimization important Small Business Marketing Forecast 2010 | Add a comment » | Started by lumen smiths, Social media promotion at Social media promotion | | Online business may no more fall in the Google rat race to drive web traffic; Social Media networks are now the alternative to search engine monopoly to drive potential prospects to websites at a very less cost. http://SocialCreeper.Com
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