Most Active Discussions (3) | WOMEN are smart or MEN | 6 comments » | Started by Kiran Raghwani | | nice one Mate.. here's a one liner for you.. "Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of...
More » By David Pillay | Discussions (19) | 8 things you will never hear a woman say | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 8. What do you mean today's our anniversary?
7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
6. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big!
5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'
4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
2. I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Chicken farmer | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm a whore." The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that." The woman, "OK, I'm a prostitute.". "No, that is still too crude. Try again." They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?". "Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | What does your profession say about you? | 3 comments » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | What about Entrepreneur Business Owners? I'm afraid to ask!
Of course, my background is in Accounting - I'm a recovering accountant LOLOL
And I've heard the rumors of my insanity . . .
By Rose Anderson, Owner, Pure Gallery, Inc. | | This May be the Last Announcement from lol :-) Share Some Humor™ | 5 comments » | Started by Mark Simmering, Recruitment Marketing, Financial Services, Private Equity, Real Estate ▲26M+ Network▲ | | Dear Mark,
Couldnot agree with you more.
Quality of post has gone down & obscenity & vulgarity has taken its place,
Can there be a joke without blow....,hand...,F.....,adultery,C....,C......,t....,p... etc
In yesterdays mailbox out of 15 jokes ,80% contained the above potrayed in a vulgar way.
I was a avid participant at LOL but the kind of trash which is being churned out by a few is spoiling the humour.
It is sad.Few days back a lady posted a joke & a few became personal & started pulling her leg in pack.
Good humoured descent banter is one thing,& calling people names on the basis of joke he /she posted is pathetic.
This mental maturity & manners cant be taught.
Either one has it in him/her or they dont.
I hope better sense prevails & some restrain is shown by few members while posting a joke containing inappropriate contents.
And Mark if good words are not yielding results the moderator can take the step of suspension of membership after a warning
A few members may be lost,number of jokes posted may be less but atleast the quality of posting will improve.
After all we are all here to spend some quality time with humour & laughter & not looking for huge quantity of vulgar & obscene jokes.
Regards
By I. C, Group Controller Costing ,MIS & Group Head of Internal audit in a Kuwati Conglomerate | | "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!" | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his
mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,"Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Little Johnny | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town
all week and said, "Mommy, guess what? Yesterday, I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady from next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and -"The mother held up her hand and said, "Not another word! Wait until your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."The father comes home and the wife tells him that she's leaving him. "But why?" croaks the husband."Go ahead, Johnny, tell Daddy just what you told me.""Well," said little Johnny, "I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what you did, Mommy, with Uncle Bob when Daddy was away last summer!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is. Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't
ask ladies that question." Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.
Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." The
boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?" To this, the mother says, "you
shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room.
On the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks
it up, her driver's license falls out. The boy looks it over and goes back to
his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127
pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Two women arrive to the vet, each carrying one male dog. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Woman1: Why did you bring your dog?
Woman2: Because I want it castrated. You see, he keeps fucking all the female
dogs in the neighborhood. How about you?
Woman1: Because the other day, I was taking a bath when the soap fell down and
when I reached down to pick it up, the dog fucked me.
Woman2: So, you want it castrated too?
Woman1: No, I want his nails cut.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | How To Translate Womenspeak When She Says She Really Means | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | No...................................... Yes.
Of course I'm not upset................. Of course I'm upset, you moron!
I might as well tell you
Bob and I are seeing each other......... Bob and I are having sex.
I feel I've known you my whole life..... I'm drunk.
Will you respect me in the morning?..... You won't tell your friends, will you?
I never do this on my first date........ I always do this on my first date.
Don't touch me there.................... Touch me there, but I'm going to stop you
the first few times.
You're...so manly....................... You need to shave and you sweat a lot.
Hello? Oh yes. Didn't we meet at the
bar Friday night?.... I've been waiting by the phone for thre days
Let's not talk "commitment". Let's
just see what happens...... I'm not taking any birth control pills.
You're certainly lovely tonight......... Is sex all you ever think about?
I can't believe you're here.It must
be fate...... I've been following you all day.
I'm particular who I have sex with...... I draw the line at barnyard animals.
I'm not emotional and
I'm not over-reacting...... I'm having my period.
I hope you're not disappointed.......... I'm flat chested.
Want to come upstairs for a nightcap?... Want to come upstairs and have sex?
Just come upstairs for a drink.......... Maybe if I get you drunk you'll have sex with me.
I love a man who takes charge........... You're picking up the bill,
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | User Interface Problems | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | My wife gave me a lesson the other night on User Interface Problems, that really
points up some of the differences between the sexes. We were watching CNN's
Technology program they have on weekends, when a segment on Virtual Reality came
on. Looking at the all the wires and gadgets, she turned to me and said that
Virtual Reality would never catch on with women. I was puzzled by this, until
she explained, "Every womens first thought on seeing that helmet will be, 'I
can't wear that. It will mess up my hair!'"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | lonely divorcee | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A lonely divorcee was driving home from work one evening when she saw a man
trying to hitch a ride. She picked him up and they got to talking.
"What do you do?" she asked him.
"I recently escaped from prison for having killed my wife."
"Oh, does that mean you are available?"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Who said English is easy??? | 2 comments » | Started by Hareesh Bhargavan, Expertise in Strategic Planning | Project Management | Operations Management | | | 5. ----, I've stopped answering such questions.
By Chandrashekaran K N, CEO at Indraprasta Consultants | | The Wal-Mart Greeter | 1 comment » | Started by George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | | Mr. Marshall........... thats WOW............ lol
By Manish Pandey, Subject Matter Expert, Internet Research at Telegenisys Inc (TGSI) | | WHAT A MAN WANTS | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | LOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLZZZZZZZZZZZ
By Manish Pandey, Subject Matter Expert, Internet Research at Telegenisys Inc (TGSI) | | Dinner at Chez Snooty | Add a comment » | Started by George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | | A group of 50-year-old buddies meet in their college town for a reunion, and discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Chez Snooty because the waitresses there have low-cut blouses and nice figures..
Ten years later, at 60 years of age, the group meets again, and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Chez Snooty because the food there is very good and the wine selection is the best in town.
Ten years later at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Chez Snooty because they can eat there in peace and quiet, and the restaurant is smoke free.
Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Chez Snooty because the restaurant is wheelchair accessible, and they even have an elevator.
Ten years later, at 90 years of age, the group meets for one last reunion, and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Chez Snooty, because none of them have ever been there before.
By George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | | The Robot Bartender | Add a comment » | Started by George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | | A man walks into a bar that has a robot bartender.
The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about quantum physics and the Hadron Collider, bio mimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nanotechnology, etc.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool!" He decides to test the robot.
He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responds, "about 100." Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, etc.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's Your IQ?"
The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
"So," the robot says, very slowly. "Have you already volunteered to help Sarah Palin's 2012 presidential campaign?"
By George Marshall, VP Marketing at Dhyan Infotech | Don't want to receive email notifications? Adjust your message settings. LinkedIn values your privacy. At no time has LinkedIn made your email address available to any other LinkedIn user without your permission. © 2010, LinkedIn Corporation. |
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