Most Active Discussions (1) Discussions (19) | I was hesitant to post this considering the recent air crashes, but this is a humor site right? | Add a comment » | Started by Mario L. Castellanos, Owner, MLC New Ventures - Technology, Security, Broadcast Communications, and Telecommunications Sectors | | The Pilots
All the passengers were sitting in the plane ready for take off. Just then, the co-pilot arrives impeccably uniformed, wearing dark sunglasses and guided by a red tipped white cane, walks into the cockpit.
The chief flight attendant, detecting the passengers concerns, takes the microphone and announces, "I'm sure you noticed our co-pilot is blind but no need to worry, he happens to be our best co-pilot and has a perfect record!"
A few moments later the pilot arrives and he too has dark glasses, a red tipped white cane and is guided in by two flight attendants. Again, the chief flight attendant, detecting the passengers becoming very fidgety, takes the microphone and announces, "I'm sure you noticed our pilot is also blind but no need to worry, he also is our best, has a perfect record as well and between the two of them, we'll have a great safe trip."
Again, the passengers settle down as the pilot tells everyone to prepare for take off.
With everyone strapped in, the plane launches and begins to pick up speed on the runway, each moment faster and faster but…. not taking off.
The passengers begin to get very anxious and nervous as the plane goes faster, and faster, and faster down the runway and getting closer, and closer, and closer to the end but not taking off.
Finally, in one large explosion of fear, the passengers begin to scream with complete terror as they see the end of the runway up ahead.
At that moment, as if by a miracle, the plane finally takes off... as the passengers hear the pilot tell the co-pilot via loudspeaker, "the day the passengers don't scream is the day we're in deep sh--."
By Mario L. Castellanos, Owner, MLC New Ventures - Technology, Security, Broadcast Communications, and Telecommunications Sectors | | ARRANGED MARRIAGE: THE SEARCH FOR BEAUTY ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Advantages of having a beautiful wife.
a) A beautiful girl is much easier to adjust to than an
unattractive one. You will be much more tolerant of her faults during
the initial "adjustment" phase of marriage, simply because you will
not have the heart to get irritated with someone so lovely. She will
be much easier to forgive after a fight.
b) If you are the typical desi engineer, you will not be exactly
Adonis Reborn. If your wife is homely too, your child will probably
look like the Swamp Thing, or the Blob. If you love your unborn
children, you owe it to them to give them a beautiful mother.
c) A beautiful wife enhances your social stature. People will
look at you and think, "How the did that !land such a
gorgeous babe? He must have something that is not visible on the
outside!" You will get invited to more parties, especially by men who
want to spend the evening drooling at her. Conversely, if your wife is
homely, you will be rather embarrassed to take her to gatherings of
your friends
d) And most importantly, sex will be much better if your wife is
good-looking. Otherwise, after a couple of years when the pent-up
horniness of the past 25+ years has worn off, you probably will not be
even able to get it up, unless you resort to ungentlemanly and
undignified tactics, like fantasising
Disadvantages of having a beautiful wife.
a) If you are one of those for whom innocence, virtue, and chastity
are important, beautiful women are not for you. My empirical research
shows that, while beauty (or the lack of it) in a woman is in no way
indicative of her intelligence, beautiful women are invariably very
street-smart. They KNOW that they are good looking, and have got used
to people bending over backwards to accommodate them. This dawns on
them very early on in life, when they observe that teachers are much
nicer to them than to their less-attractive friends, when almost all
the men they encounter behave like brainless, testeterone-driven apes
in their presense,
As a teenager in college, a beautiful woman would have had lots of men
vying with each other for her friendship and affections. She would
have to be more than human not to have enjoyed the attention. She
would have played the men one against the other, as women have done
since time immemorial. She might have dated, and even had affairs
b) A good-looking woman is more than a match for the average desi
engineer. She will twist you around her little finger and make you
jump through hoops.
c) As I mentioned before, a beautiful woman is unlikely to be
particularly virtuous or righteous. But that is okay, since too much
virtue often goes hand-in-hand with rather undesirable traits. A
virtuous woman may also be ugly, weird, boring, hyper-religious or
frigid.
d) A beautiful woman is more likely to "stray" after marriage
too. This is the USA, and the fact that a woman is married does not
make her off-limits to adventurers or would-be Casanovas. The more
lovely a woman is, the more likely is she to be propositioned by her
male colleagues or friends.
How to check whether she is beautiful.
First of all, never consent to marry a girl whom you have seen only in
photographs. PHOTOGRAPHS LIE!!!! Photography is an art that can make
HKL Bhagat look like Zeenat Aman. All too often, photographs sent to
prospective suitors contain only the face. Also, they usually have
been so air-brushed and sanitized, all the pimples and other
irregularities removed, that the end product has little in common with
the original.
In one case, pictures of a girl's good-looking
sister were went out instead. Bottom line: do not make a decision
based merely on photographs!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND (WIFE)/TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND (HUSBAND): | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | During the past year I have tried to make love
to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
7 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because
I felt you move
TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND (HUSBAND):
I think you have things a little confused.
Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone
kicked you in THE BALLS
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, playing video games etc. on TV.
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling,
what I said was,"Would you prefer me on my
back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | How to make a woman/Man happy. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | It's not difficult. To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 51. give
her lots of time, especially time for herself 52. give her lots of
space, never worrying about where she goes
53. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT to never forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Feed Him.
2. F*ck Him.
3. Shut the f*ck up.
4. Swallow
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Spouse From God | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Years ago, I asked God to give me a spouse, "You don't own because you didn't ask" God said. Not only I asked for a spouse but also explained what kind of spouse I wanted. I want a nice, tender, forgiving, passionate, honest, peaceful, generous, understanding, pleasant, warm, intelligent, humorous, attentive, compassionate and truthful. I even mentioned the physical characteristics I dreamt about.
As time went by I added the required list of my wanted spouse. One night, in my prayer, God talked to my heart: "My servant, I cannot give you what you want."
I asked, "Why God?" and God said "Because I am God and I am fair. God is the truth and all I do are true and right."
I asked "God, I don't understand why I cannot have what I ask from you?"
God answered, "I will explain. It is not fair and right for Me to fulfill your demand because I cannot give something that is not your ownself. It is not fair to give someone who is full of love to you if sometimes you are still hostile, or to give you someone generous but sometimes you can be cruel, or someone forgiving; however, you still hide revenge, someone sensitive;however, you are very insensitive...."
He then said to me: "It is better for Me to give you someone who I know could grow to have all qualities you are searching rather than to make you waste your time to find someone who already have the qualities you want. Your spouse would be bone from your bone and flesh from your flesh and you will see yourself in her and both of you will be one. Marriage is like a school. It is a life-long span education. It is where you and your partner make adjustment and aim not merely to please each other,but to be better human beings and to make a solid teamwork. I do not give you a perfect partner, because you are not perfect either. I give you a partner with whom you would grow together"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | THERE IS ALWAYS A BETTER WAY! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: "I am blind, please help." There were only a few coins in the hat.
A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy.
That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, "Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?" The man said, "I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way."
What he had written was: "Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it."
Do you think the first sign and the second sign were saying the same thing? Of course both signs told people the boy was blind. But the first sign simply told people to help by putting some money in the hat. The second sign told people that they were able to enjoy the beauty of the day, but the boy could not enjoy it because he was blind. The first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?
There are at least two lessons we can learn from this simple story.
The first is: Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently. THERE IS ALWAYS A BETTER WAY!
The second is: Be thankful for what you have. Someone else has less. Help where you can and make it great for the needful.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Ladies Laugh Last | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same – they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something – suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind – but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man – look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal. Ladies Laugh Last
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Five reasons computers must be female... | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. No one but their creator understands their internal workings.
2. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
4. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
5. As soon as you commit to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…
“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A middle school science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, and you'll get fired!". She then sat back down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her, and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open, and she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases to 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy." Then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: First, you have a dirty mind. Second, you didn't read your homework. And third, one day you are going to be VERY, VERY disappointed.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Women's Advise to Men(Part-2) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 41. If you hurt us, pretend you care. But, don't !
42. Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget trivial things. You know, like our b-day and eye color !
43. Ignorance solves problems. If you can't see them, they can't see you !
44. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions !
45. Create new words and phrases to describe our genetalia !
46. Lying also gives you good blood circulation !
47. Play with your food, only if you are in a public place, with people - you don't know !
48. Play with your penis, only if you are in a public place, with people - you don't know !
49. If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are doing, DON'T STOP ! This is the desired reaction !
50. You are NOT a virgin. Ever. Males are born without virginity !
51. You are male, therefore you are superior to us !
52. The ideal agenda for your typical evening : Get beer. Drink beer. Play with yourself. Have sex. Drink more beer. Pass out !
53. We females do not care what you do to us, as long as we get to please you !
54. Don't ever notice anything we wear !
55. If you're going out with us, but you love someone else , don't say anything. Wait until we fall in love with YOU and then tell us !
56. Basic fundamental rule of dating : Quantity, not quality !
57. Basic fundamental rule of sex : Quantity IS quality !
58. Lying is also good for your skin colour !
59. If you cheat on us, but no one finds out, then technically you've done nothing wrong !
60. Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what do you have to cry about, anyway ?
61. If our question begins with " why " your answer should be " I don't know " !
62. We women are your napkins. Use us and throw us away !
63. Remember, every virgin girl is saving herself for YOU !
64. Don't ever let anyone say " I told you so " If you hear this phrase and it didn't come out of your mouth, go ballistic !
65. You are a man. You have the right to each and every part of our body in any way that you can think of !
66. Our pain is strictly for your amusement. Laugh long, laugh loud, laugh heartily !
68. If we ask you for a favor - a) Make a big deal about how hard it is for you to do it, b) Remind us of this huge favor you've done for us, at least every 5 minutes for the rest of our lives !
69. Have Beer. Then have more beer !
70. If you do something really mean to us and we dont wish to talk to you, pretend nothing happened. If we still do not wish to talk to you, casually ask, " Is something wrong ? "
71. Three words : Let's be friends. Translation : I never want to speak to you again, but it's bad for my nice-guy image if you are mad at me, so I'll pretend I want to be your friend !
72. Please do not forget to regularly lie !
73. If you're on a date with us, and there is a lull in the conversation, tell us how many different places you have had sex in and with how many number of your past girl friends !
74. It is our womanly duty to agree to three-somes and swapping sessions !
75. If we break up with you, because you're in love with someone else, we have no right to be upset !
76. The best sex position is you, lying face up ............... and we and ten of our female friends on top !
77. Default facial expression : Blank stare !
78. Spend your spare time thinking of excuses and shove them up your behind. Then, whenever you need a good excuse, you can pull it out of there !
79. It is our duty to cook and feed you the most delicious food, immediately after we have given you sex !
80. Beer. Dont forget it. Its good for your health
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Women's Advise to Men(Part-1) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. Don't return our phone calls. EVER !
2. If you don't like us, don't tell us. It's more fun to let us figure it out - by ourselves !
3. Lie ! You are a man !
4. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as " My Gigantic Snake " !
5. Strip dancing is our womanly duty to you !
6. Play with yourself as often as possible. Tell everyone about it !
7. Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer, a grunt will do !
8. Always remember : You are a man. Therefore - no matter what, it isn't your fault !
9. Lie more !
10. We women find it attractive, if you have had more women - than baths !
11. Never ask for help. Even if you really need help - don't ask. People will think you have no penis !
12. We women like it, when you ignore us. It arouses us !
13. If, God forbid - you have to talk to us on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are also permissible !
14. We women find a man more attractive, if he can write his name, while peeing on a wall !
15. One sure way to make us like you, is to go after our best friend. We shall then see what we are missing and love you more, on not giving up on us !
16. Tell us you will call. Then, refer back to rule no. 1 !
17. Don't wear matching clothes. People will think we picked it out. It will cramp your style on picking up other women !
18. Lie still more !
19. It is our duty to give you complete sexual gratification, whenever you seek it !
20. Deny everything. Everything !
21. We are not allowed to wear clothes at night, when you are with us. It is bad for our health !
22. Don't have a clue !
23. If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it !
24. No - means yes !
25. Yes - means no !
26. If you don't get sex whenever you want, your scrotums would shrivel. You may get sick or even die. You need to remember this and pester us for sex !
27. If anyone asks, you must tell them that you have had sex in all possible positions and locations. You are a man !
28. Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak, sex often signifies the end of your relationship with us. Variety is the spice of life. Remember ?
29. Feelings for us ? What feelings for us ?
30. You are a man. You need not pleasure us. You need not wait for us to have our orgasm during sex !
31. Please keep lying - for heaven's sake !
32. DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. Example : Question : " Darling, will you take me out for a romantic dinner ? " Answer : " Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I produce each day ! "
33. Every sentence that we tell you, can be twisted to have a sexual meaning. Twist !
34. You must compel us to have our daily dose of your semen. We must swallow ! It is good for our health !
35. Lying proves your masculinity !
36. " Love " is not in your vocabulary. Don't even think about saying it !
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37. A general rule : If whatever you're doing does not satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it's really not worth it !
38. Leave us. Beg and plead until you get us back. Leave us again. Repeat cycle !
39. Lying also makes you look sexy !
40. Apologize whenever it's expected. NEVER mean it !
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 100 Reasons To Be Glad You're A Man(Part-2) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 51. You never have to admit to, not knowing something !
52. You can avoid bathing, shaving and ironing and merely be called eccentric !
53. You don't have to sleep with the Boss. Unless you want to !
54. You can climb trees, without exposing your undergarments !
55. You can throw up in public !
56. Facial wrinkles are called character lines !
57. When you are past 80, your breasts don't interfere with your belt !
58. You can totally avoid salads and it doesn't seem to harm you !
59. You can take the dog for a walk and have a good break !
60. Press ups are easier !
61. You can discuss your flatulence with a certain pride !
62. You can become a professional footballer !
63. You can become a soldier and shoot foreigners !
64. You get to eat enormous quantities of strange cheese !
65. Bad hair day ? So what ???
66. You just sort of know about country flags !
67. You can open new bottles of tomato ketchup !
68. Everyone loves a man in uniform !
69.You remain optimistic about sport and sex !
70. A 1972 Mercedes isn't just a car, for you !
71. You have no trouble whatsoever, putting stuff off until tomorrow !
72. You don't cry. Unless your team gets promoted, or wins something !
73. You don't feel the need to read instruction manuals on equipment !
74. A phone call only lasts a minute. Unless it's a particularly long and intricate Indian takeaway order !
75. You're allowed to put things in your pockets !
76. You don't have to throw things away, just because they're not new anymore !
77. You're allowed to - in fact you're expected to - swear heavily !
78. You can sit about smoking in Arab countries !
79. Chocolate will never rule your life !
80. You are expected to accidentally break things !
81. If nobody fancies you, it's their problem !
82. You do not find the need to get married !
83. Your spouse will also earn a part of the money, to run your household !
84. Your spouse will normally do whatever you wish, for you !
85. You can drink beer and watch TV in the house, while the household shopping is being done !
86. You can drink beer and watch TV in the house, while the food is getting prepared !
87. You can drink beer and watch TV in the house, while the children are being washed, fed and taken care of !
88. You can call your friends over for a party, without having to worry about food preparation !
89. You can call your friends over for a party, without having to properly get dressed up !
90. You can call your friends over for a party, even when your spouse is not in the mood, or tired !
91. You can crack sarcastic jokes on your spouse, without considering her feelings !
92. You can call your spouse over - for sex, during anytime of the day - irrespective of her mood !
93. You can call your spouse over - for sex, during anytime of the day - irrespective of her need !
94. You need not wear a negilgee to excite your spouse !
95. You can expect your spouse to do a strip show, for you !
96. You can have sex without any petting and fondling first !
97. You can expect your spouse to perform oral sex, without doing the same for her !
98. You can expect your spouse to ask your spouse to agree to all your perversions !
99. You can have an orgasm, every single time that you have sex !
100. You can go to sleep, the next minute - after an orgasm
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 100 Reasons To Be Glad You're A Man(Part-1) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. You never get drunk as fast, as the girl you are chatting up !
2.You can tell dirty jokes !
3. You get dirty jokes !
4. You can go topless in Saudi Arabia and Pakistan, without getting stoned !
5. You go to bed with any number of women !
6. You can play the video, whenever you wish !
7. You are taller. Most of the time !
8. Cricket, foot-ball, Golf, Tennis, Poker are important to live !
9. Fat is a feminist issue !
10. Bars and restaurants don't go quiet, when you walk in - alone !
11. You can scratch your privates in public !
12. You don't have to breast feed !
13. Peeing in public, is perfectly acceptable !
14. You don't have to remember where you have left things !
15. Your records are in alphabetical order !
16. You know exactly what curtains you want for your new house. They are the ones they have got in the nearest curtain shop !
17. Ever heard the term " Unfit Father " ?
18. Your Mum will always love you. In spite of everything !
19. Every news agent is full of available partners - provided you can reach the top shelf !
20. You can carry an over the shoulder courier bag on your back, without re-arranging your breasts !
21. It really doesn't matter, if you can't stand up after midnight !
22. You are far more likely to receive, than give oral sex !
23. You have only a limited range of acceptable hairstyles, to choose from !
24. And as you get older, you get less hair to worry about !
25. You don't get patronised by policemen !
26. If you wear a suit and tie, nobody will suspect you are a lesbian !
27. You feel perfectly comfortable wearing clothes you wore yesterday and left on the floor all night !
28. Even your best underwear, is relatively uncomplicated !
29. As long as your Mum's still alive, you get your washing done at her place !
30. Being treated like a sex object, isn't such a bad thing !
31. Men rule the world !
32. And women, live in it !
33. You can whistle loudly in the street !
34. You have absolutely no compunction about hiring a cleaning lady !
35. You never have to wax your legs !
36. You can eat a banana in public !
37. You can pee standing up and wherever you want !
38. Sex can be as quick, as you like !
39. You don't have to wear make up !
40. Your nails are always dry !
41. You don't have to mentally grow up !
42. You can become a Catholic priest and have unlimited free wine !
43. A moustache, looks good on you !
44. A beard, looks good on you !
45. You get to wear comfortable shoes !
46. You don't collapse in floods of tears, if your partner says you look fine !
47. You can have a baby, without changing your wardrobe !
48. Tights are totally out of the question !
49. You can buy bananas and cucumbers, without getting embarrassed !
50. You don't get angry, if your spouse forgets Valentine's Day !
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | One Glass Of Milk(Its a hard heart if tears dont fall off while reading this.) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only two coins of 50 paisa left, and he was hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. The woman thought the boy looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk which he drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you maam?"
"You don"t owe me anything," replied the woman
"Mother has taught us never to accept payment for a kindness." He the boy said... "Then I thank you from my heart."
As Amit Singh left that house, he not only felt; stronger physically, but his faith in God and human was strong also. He had been ready to give up and just quit.
Years later that very young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Amit Singh was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.
Immediately he rose from his chair and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.
Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her.
He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Amit Singh requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room.
The sick woman feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally, she looked, and something caught her attention on the side as She read these sentance.....
"Paid in full with one glass of milk." (Signed) Dr. Amit Singh.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, GOD, that your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands."
Its a hard heart if tears dont fall off while reading this..
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Love Story Telling The True Fact | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Daniel and Jasmine are sitting alone in the park
one night.
Daniel: I guess we are the left overs in this world.
Jasmine: I think so.All of my friends have boyfriends and we are only the two persons left in this world without any special person in our lives.
Daniel: Yup I don't know what to do?
Jasmine: I know! We'll play a game.
Daniel: What game?
Jasmine: I'll be your girl friend for 30 days and you will be my boy friend.
Daniel: That's a great plan in fact i don't have anything to do for the following weeks.
DAY 1:
They watch their first movie and they both got touched by the romantic film.
DAY 4:
They went to the beach and have a picnic.Daniel
and Jasmine have their quality time together.
DAY 12:
Daniel invited Jasmine to a circus and they ride on a Horror House.Jasmine was scared and she wanted to touch Daniel's hand but she touched
someone else's hand and they both laughed.
DAY 15:
They saw a fortune teller down the road and they asked for their future advice and the fortune teller said: "My darling, Please don't waste the time of your life.Spend the rest of your time together happily". Then tears flow out from the teller's eyes.
DAY 20:
Jasmine invited Daniel to go to the hill and they saw a meteor.Jasmine mumbled something.
DAY 28:
They sat on the bus and because of a bumpy road
Jasmine gave her first kiss to Daniel by accident.
DAY 29:
11:37pm
Jasmine and Daniel sat in the park where they first decided to play this game.
Daniel: I'm tired Jasmine.Do you want any drinks? I'll buy you one.I'll just go down the road.
Jasmine: Apple Juice that's all,
Daniel: Wait for me!
20 minutess later,a stranger approached Jasmine.
Stranger: Are you a friend of Daniel?
Jasmine: Why yes? What happened?
Stranger: A reckless drunk driver ran over Daniel and he is critical in the hospital.
11:57pm
The doctor went out of the emergency room and he handed out an apple juice and a letter.
Doctor: We found this in daniel's pocket
Jasmine reads the letter and it says:
Jasmine, This past few days, i realized you are a really cute girl and i am really falling for you.Your cherished smile, your everything when we played this game.Before this game would end I would like you to be my girl friend for the rest of my life.I love you Jasmine.
Jasmine crumples the paper and shouted:
"Daniel ! i don't want you to die.I love you. Remember that night when we saw a meteor, I mumbled something.I mumbled that I wish we would be together forever and never end this game. Please don't leave me Daniel.I love you! You cannot do this to me!"
Then the clock strikes 12.
Daniel's heart stops pumping.
THEN IT WAS THE 30TH DAY.
MESSAGE:-
Always love your loved ones and show them how you feel before it is too late.You will never know
when they will be gone from your embrace.If you
were given a time to bestow petals of everlasting
compassion and love to your loved ones? Today is the day.
Love them while they are still here.
I think this story & the message touhes me so much that i don't want to make anyone else feel sad after reading this but this message really touches our deep emotions deep within.
So guys if you love someone,keep loving.If you have it hidden in your heart just say it because you are wasting the time, where as you can be together.
You are reducing the beautifull time of your life.
Your life is decreasing day by day, by one day per day.
This one day could have been better if you would have been together.
So just go for it.
LOVE all.
LOVE Yourself.
Take care.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Looking for a Girlfriend....Jus chill | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I need a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am now 40 and am looking for a girl with very big tits.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | HR LOVE LETTER(Ever wondered how a HR Manager could write a love letter to his girl friend??)Enjoy | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | I believe most of you havent come across this!!
To,
Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M
Sub: Offer of love!
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since
the 14th of October (Saturday).With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and
depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon
completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training
and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to
spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially beshared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and
I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could
forward this letter to your sister or friend, if you do not wish to take up
this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
Best Regards
Thanks
ROMEO
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | BOYfriend 2.0 to HUSband 3.5 -- a nice letter | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Dear Tech Support
Team: It's been a year I upgraded from Boyfriend 2.0 to Husband 3.5.
I've soon noticed that the new program began has been very demanding, that took up a lot of time and patience on my part. Always on the run on BABY-MAKING software.
In addition, Husband 3.5 has installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other activities in my system. Applications such as MiniSkirts 5.0, Movies 3.0, Shopping 7.5, and GirlsNightOUt 3.6 no longer runs smoothly, crashing all the planned operation system whenever i select them. I can't seem to keep Husband 3.5 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications at hand.
I'm thinking about going back to Boyfriend 2.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Husband 3.5. will there be a higher version of maybe Boyfriend 2.5 instead of this?
Please help!
Thanks,
SHE "A Troubled User"
REPLY FROM TECH SUPPORT:
Dear SHE "A Troubled User":
This is a very common problem, like what's happening when upgrading programs of Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 experiencing nowadays, that many people complain about. Users who upgrade from Boyfriend 2.0 to Husband 3.5, thinking that it will be a more secured programs in the land is a no no.
User's are all wrong on that thinking!!
First, having a Husband 3.5 is not an OPERATING SYSTEM but created like a FIREWALL to your systems operating programs.
Second, it doesn't think on his own but rather created to be operated in ways they wanted to be.
Third, Husband 3.5 is designed by its Creator to monitor EVERYTHING that operates on your system!!!
It is also impossible
to delete Husband 3.5 and to return to Boyfriend 2.0 or upgrade it to Boyfriend 2.5 coz it's not allowed. It is impossible to uninstall, or upgrade the program files from the system once you installed it.
You cannot go back to Boyfriend 2.0 because Husband 3.5 is designed not to allow this. (Look for the manual of Husband 3.5 under Warnings-Refrain-From-Nagging-Even-If-It's-His Fault version 9.9)
I recommend that you keep Husband 3.5 and just purchased additional programs like SEX 1.0 & CARS&GADGETS 9.5 to allow a perfect program environment.
I also suggest installing the background application "Yes Honey" to alleviate software augmentation & to keep them away from other firewall like applications.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\SEX TALKS because
ULTiMATELY you will have to give that kind of command before the
system will run smoothly to your likings.
Husband 3.5 is a great program, low in maintenance but very effective. You just have to remember that they are not MIND-READERS coz their applications is likely say/put/encode what you want or never at all.
Husband 3.5 also comes with several support programs, such as PAYSLIP 1.5, GIFTS 7.5, STRESS ABSORBER 4.2 and LISTENING-W/O-COMPLAINING 6.8;
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program MAN-NAGGING-WIFE 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Husband 3.5 is to use the program i mentioned above THE SEX 1.0 together with COOK4HIM software. I also recommend
BODY.MASSAGE 2.1 and NASTY-SEX 5.0 to be use sometimes.
ADDITIONAL WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Being-Sweet-to-Other-Man 4.4. This application is not supported by Husband 3.5 and will definitely launch JEALOUSY 8.9 that can cause irrevocable damage to your system.
Best of Luck,
Tech Support
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