Most Active Discussions (2) | "LOVE" | 5 comments » | Started by Deva Raju | | is it your experience or observation
By rajni khanna | Discussions (37) | Ten If's You Need to Know to Get Along at Work: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. If it rings, put it on hold.
2. If it clunks, call the repairman.
3. If it whistles, ignore it.
4. If it's a friend, stop work and chat.
5. If it's the Boss, look busy.
6. If it talks, take notes.
7. If it's handwritten, type it.
8. If it's typed, copy it.
9. If it's copied, file it.
10. If it's Friday, FORGET IT!!!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | "I've got some good news and some bad news". | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | One day The Lord came to Adam, and said, "I've got some good news and some bad news".
Adam said, "Well, give me the good news first."
The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are indeed great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | SEMINAR FOR ALL MALE STAFF(The female staff will be offering courses to all men in the company.Please note the name of some courses have changed) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Attendance in at least 10 of the following courses is compulsory
1. Combating stupidity
2. You Too Can Do Housework!
3. PMS - Learning When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
4. How to Fill an Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas - Give Us Money!
6. Understand the Female Response to Coming Home Drunk at 4:00 am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly called "Don't Wash My stuff")
8. Parenting - NO, It Doesn't End With Conception
9. Get A Life - Learn to Cook
10. How Not to Act Like an Asshole When You're Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right!
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You - The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons to Give Flowers
15. How to stay Awake After Sex
16. Why It's Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere But The Bathroom
17. Rubbish - Getting it To The Curb
18. You CAN Fall Asleep Without It - If You Really Try
19. The Morning Dilemma - If "ITS" Awake, Take a Shower
20. I'll Wear It If I Damn Well Please
21. How To Put The Toilet Lid Down (formerly called "No, It's Not a Bidet")
22. The Weekend and Sports are NOT Synonymous
23. Give Me A Break - Why We Know Your Excuses Are Bullshit
24. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without Getting Lost
25. The Remote Control - Overcoming Your Dependency
26. Romanticism - Other Ideas Besides Sex
27. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
28. Mothers-in-Law - They Are People Too
29. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
30. You Too Can Be a Designated Driver
31. Male Bonding - Leaving Your Friends at Home
32. Honest, You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson, Especially When Naked
33. Changing Your Underwear - It Really Works!
34. Fluffing the Blanket After Farting is NOT Necessary
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Three reasons computers must be male... | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. You have to 'turn them on' to get their attention.
2. Although they are supposed to solve problems, half the time they are the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if only you had waited you could have had a better model.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | There are three kinds of men; | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. The ones who learn by reading.
2. The few who learn by observation.
3. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them:
"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll sleep with her again!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert to you. But what you may not know is that many of them have a gender. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert to you. But what you may not know is that many of them have a gender. For example:
1. Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in but you can see right through them.
2. Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but it can wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
3. Tire -- Male, because it goes bald, and often it's over-inflated.
4. Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it -- and, of course, there's the hot air part.
5. Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain water.
6. Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7. Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick up people.
8. Hourglass -- Female, because, over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9. Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10. Remote Control -- Female . . . Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider: it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | The Future of Marriage: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | For all those men who believe that there's no reason to buy the cow when you can get the milk free, nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, as they too have wised up to the fact that, for 7 ounces of sausage, it's not worth buying the entire pig!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Two "senior" widows, are talking(wear an old dress) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Two "senior" widows, are talking. . .
Shannon: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. . . I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7:00 p.m. and dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit. He brought me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a beautiful car. . . a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner - marvelous dinner - lobster. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Shannon, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"
Shannon: "Goodness gracious! So, are you telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
Edna: "No, no, no. . . I'm just saying, wear an old dress!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Condom display | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?
"Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March. . ."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A college teacher | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A woman | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings. "Mom," said the little boy, "what are all those women doing?
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"
"Most of them are cab drivers," she replied.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Why chicks should avoid a girls night after they are married: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight." He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh shit!", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Typical macho man | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.
"Just so there are no misunderstandings, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night. . . whether you're here or not."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Clever Doctors..LOL | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A young doctor had moved into a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could get to know him.
At the first house, a woman complained: "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing on fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you reach your diagnosis so quickly?" "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Well," the younger doctor said, "pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house." Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the same energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doctor said, "Your diagnosis is probably correct, but how did you arrive at it?"
"Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope on the floor, and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed a Preacher under the bed."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | What's Good For The Goose... | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Young Couple On Honeymoon | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A young couple got married. On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex because they were both virgins. Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of "having sex."
This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept. Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful. They "did the laundry" 5 times that first night. In the middle of the night the new husband woke up, and he was ready to do the laundry again. He gently shook his new wife and asked her, "Can we do the laundry again?" but she was very tired.
She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet. Maybe in the morning. A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling very guilty. What he had asked for wasn't unreasonable, and she decided she should go ahead and "do the laundry" with him again.
She gently shook him and said, "Honey, I'm sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry again if you want,"
He replied, "That's ok... It was a small load... I did it by hand
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Why men do not write advice columns! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my
husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling
increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburator.
Hope this helps.
Sincerely, Walter
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A COMPUTER WITH A BRAIN(NEW PASSWORD) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | THE NEW PASSWORD
A woman was helping her husband set up his new computer, and at the appropriate time in the process, told him he would now need to enter a password. Something he would use to log-on. Her husband was in a rather devilish mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in:
P...
E...
N...
I...
S...
His wife fell out of her chair laughing when the computer replied
***PASSWORD INVALID...........NOT LONG ENOUGH
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Blind Dates(Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always willing to "fix up" unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as "perfect for you".
However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what these girls may be like. After considerable research, as a public service, I have attempted to translate some of these descriptive
phrases into plain English:
dandy little house keeper:
She has been married three times and kept all the houses
fine character:
She's ugly
knows how to handle money:
She's a spendthrift and great at spending yours
spotless reputation:
She's ugly
strong family ties:
She's a Mafia Princess
loves children:
She's pregnant and needs a husband
wonderful personality:
She's fat
great sense of humor:
She's fat and will laugh at anything you say
the outdoor type:
She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, and shaves just like the guys
ready to settle down:
She's thirty-five, in a state of panic, and dying to marry
likes to have a good time:
She gets drunk a lot
lots of fun at parties:
Often makes an ass of herself
mature woman:
She's at least thirty, but looks at least forty-five
has the appearance of a young school girl:
She's at least thirty-three, but dresses like a teenager
casual:
She dresses like a slob
decorated her own place:
Her apartment resembles a pig sty
a great dancer:
She'll wear the soles right off your shoes
not overly emotional:
She only cries twenty-seven times a day
doesn't chase men:
She's more of a mousetrap or a black widow spider type
seldom dates:
She's a lesbian who needs a male escort for something
understands men:
She's been married and divorced four times
a good sport:
She knows two hundred jokes and can drink you under the table
looks and dresses like a model:
She's five eleven and weighs seventy three pounds
been in show business:
She's a former porn movie star
traveled a lot:
She's searched high and low for a husband
knows a lot of interesting people:
None of whom would marry her
wonderful disposition:
She's ugly
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Viagra Wasted? | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour."
"Perfect," she replies.
The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife?
She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half."
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper..."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Single Woman's Prayer | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Now I lay me down to sleep.Please don't send me no more creeps.Please just send me one good man.One without a wedding band.
One good man who's sweet as pie.Who brushed his teeth and doesn't lie.Who dresses neat and doesn't smell.
And is sexy like my man Denzel.Is super-rich like Michael J.On second thought, that's okay.
Man, if I should die before I wake,that would truly take the cake;No matrimony or honeymoon.No fancy reception planned for June.No throwing of the wedding bouquet.Please, God, don't let me go out that way.
If I die before I meet Mr. Right I won't go out without a fight.But then again with my luck,He'd probably be just some schmuck.
The single life is not that bad I know it's just a passing fad. I won't be blue. I will not frown.
Besides, I like my toilet seat down. No more makeup, won't comb my hair. So never mind this stupid prayer.
The single life will do just fine. So what's up, girlfriend? IT'S PARTY TIME!!!!
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Rules for all Women in World.... | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
2. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
3. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
4. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
5. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put the mall there.
6. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
7. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.
8. The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks.
9. Never sleep with a man who's named his penis.
10. Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway.
11. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay.
12. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
13. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
14. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
15. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
16. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
17. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
18. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
19. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually "Oh all right, I'll stay the night."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Spanish Teacher | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your money on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that had you waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.
The women won.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Threesome | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and we had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I ever had a 'Sportsman's Double?'
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
'Oh...' I said as my mind began to embrace the idea, 'No, I haven't.'
And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like. We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was 'my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom, you still awake'?
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Gynecologist | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A gorgeous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her and all his professionalism flew out the window. He was overwhelmed with passion and desire and immediately told her to get undressed.
After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing
so, he said, "Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "You're checking for abrasions and dermatological
abnormalities.
"That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do
you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "You're checking for lumps which might indicate breast
cancer."
"Correct," replied the doctor.
Then he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes.... which is why I'm here."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | White Hair | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, "Momma, how come *all* of grandma's hairs are white?"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | This is how business is done!! | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. "
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything.. But your
attitude should be +ve...
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Marketing doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Knowing how to make Social Media Marekting work for you can make you breathe a little easier. | Add a comment » | Started by Elizabeth White, Inside Sales Manager at Digiwave Enterprises, Inc | | Is your social networking strategy working for you?
Social Media is changing the way marketing is done. Customers, potential customers and competitors share information every day through different Social Media channels to create advantages for everyone. Many people—from start-ups and individuals to well-established companies—are creating sizable returns from social media sites like Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook.
What do these people share in common? They use social media tools to generate the kind of exposure that converts relationships to prospects and prospects to sales.
This can be your success story, too.
Our free 90-minute webinar will allow you to learn from the success of others and to discover how to:
• Establish a solid presence and become a voice in your industry—as well as how to steer away from activities that can tank your Social Media efforts
• Stand out from the crowd while creating long-term partnerships that establish and reinforce your expertise and further strengthen your brand among the millions of prospects available to you
• Come up with a no-fail Social Media Marketing map in 5 simple steps, so you'll know where to start, what options are available, and which ones are a good fit for you
Beat the Social Media Marketing learning curve and find out how you can ramp up returns quickly in our free, 90-minute webinar: How to Capitalize on the Conversation.
Reserve a place now because there are only a limited number of spots available! http://fly2.ws/xCc0rRM
By Elizabeth White, Inside Sales Manager at Digiwave Enterprises, Inc | | A Chance To Start………..A Smile | 1 comment » | Started by ☆ Liz Green ☆, CEO & Founder of Live Your Dream Mentoring | | Liz,
Well said,Coz A gun can kill some1.fire can burn some1.wind can chill.anger can rage till it tearz u apart.but da power of smile can heal a frozen heart....
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Corporate Terminology | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay you enough to expect that you'll dress nicely.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
MUST BE FLEXIBLE: On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED: Female employees must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace the three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Men are like: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Laxatives-They irritate the shit out of you.
Bananas-The older they get, the less firm they are.
Vacations-They never seem to be long enough.
Weather-Nothing can be done to change them.
Blenders-You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
Chocolate Bars -Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
Coffee-The best ones are rich, warm, & can keep you up all night long.
Commercials-You can't believe a word they say.
Department Stores-Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
Government Bonds-They take so long to mature.
Mascara-They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Popcorn-They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Snowstorms-You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Lava Lamps-Fun to look at, but not very bright.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Walk In The Garden Of Eden | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Adam was walking in the Garden with God one day, and God asked him what he thought of Eve.
"She is truly a wonderful creation," Adam answered. "And I am very blessed to have her."
He asked God if he could ask a few questions. "Of course," said God.
"Eve is so beautiful, God," said Adam. "Why did you make her so beautiful?"
God said, "So you will always find pleasure in looking at her."
Adam said, "Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?"
God replied, "So you will always want to touch her, of course."
"She always smells so good. Why does she smell so good?" asked Adam.
God said, "So you will always find it pleasing to be near her." Adam nodded.
"She truly is wonderful, Lord," said Adam. "I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?"
God replied, "So she would love you!"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Invite Me In? | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks: "Can I come up for a cup of coffee?"
Girl: "Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date."
The guy thinks for a minute and says: "Well, what about the last date?"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | Job Discussions (1) Find the best talent on LinkedIn - Reach over 65 million top professionals
- Be alerted to good matches automatically
- Receive on average 30 applicants
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