Most Active Discussions (3) Discussions (15) | Why I fired My Secretary. | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Last week was my birthday
and I didn't feel very well
waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
' Happy Birthday.'
I thought...
Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids...
They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me.'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'
We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'
I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner.'
After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Ten great reasons to go to work naked | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 10. No-one ever steals your chair.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
6. You want to see if it's like the dream.
5. To stop those creepy programmer guys from looking down your blouse.
4. "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."
3. It's an inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human Resources.
2. You can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
And ... drum roll ... the Number One reason to go to work naked :
1. Your boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | FOUR CATHOLIC LADIES | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | STAYING POWER | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Australian on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."
When the Australian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A Woman's Vocabulary, Keywords and Meanings (as taken from an interview with a woman) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | FINE
This is the word we use at the end of any argument in which we feel we are right, but need to shut you up. NEVER use 'Fine' to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those
arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"
usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman
getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in
about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is still often a
verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft
Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay
content.
OH
This word followed by any statement is trouble.
Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine"
when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead-in to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and a "Go ahead," followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before visiting on you major retribution and tribulations for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is
giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the
truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's
Okay".
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will
say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud
Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | What a Woman Wants in a Man | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22)
-----------------------------------
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially Successful
4. A Caring Listener
5. Witty
6. In Good Shape
7. Dresses with Style
8. Appreciates the Finer Things
9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32)
-----------------------------------
1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 42)
----------------------------------
1. Not too ugly - bald head OK
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekends
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 52)
----------------------------------
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm emoting
5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on Weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV Dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves on some weekends
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 62)
----------------------------------
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
5. Doesn't forgets why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers when...
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 72)
----------------------------------
1. Breathing
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | OPPORTUNIST TACTICS | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and whispers in her ear "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | NINE WORDS WOMEN USE(for married guys) | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | (1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying Get Lost!(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3. * Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.* Send this to all the ladies you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!!Enjoy Wondering about Women. .
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Boy Friend........................ | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Choné, Ecuador | Add a comment » | Started by Mario L. Castellanos, Owner, MLC New Ventures - Technology, Security, Broadcast Communications, and Telecommunications Sectors | | A friend of mine from Ecuador sent an article to me about Choné [show-né] a pueblo of approximatively twenty thousand inhabitants in the Manabí province, located in the interior of Ecuador. It's known for having the strangest collection of peoples names on the planet. I translated excerpts of it from Spanish below.
First on the list, (Judge) Adolfo Hitler Flores de Valgas Alava (born July 12, 1941). He was named as such because his father, not realizing the atrocities Adolf Hitler had committed, was impressed with his "rebuilding" an entire country after the devastation of the First World War. He is one of seventeen siblings.
More names in Choné (Translated to English when necessary):
- United Nations Centeno
- Burger King Herrera
- Alí Babá Cárdenas
- Vick Vapo-Rub Gíler
- International Conflict Loor
- One Hundreed Feet Pinares
- Pure Moonshine Zambrano
- Hitler Corral
- Hitler Mendoza
Alka Seltzer Flores was named because his mother liked the name from the medicine packet she took to alleviate her cramps during pregnancy.
If one looks through the phone book and civil registry, you'll find names taken from clothing Brands, automobiles, perfumes, medicine, food, hardware products, institutions and even futbol (soccer) scores.
Names such as Johnny and Washington are phonetically changed to Yoni and Guasintong. The classics have not been left out with Pericles, Homer, Pluto and Trojan (this last one from a brand product source as well) also used. Many have used names from history, good and bad:
-Stalin
-Lenin
-Simón Bolívar
-Napoleón
Cristóbal Colón (Christopher Columbus) Jaramillo walks the streets daily as do Frank Sinatra Suárez and John Kennedy Suárez, born that famous day in Dallas. JKS's father in fact, wrote a letter to the First Lady explaining he named his son in the Presidents honor. He still has the letter she responded with gratitude.
Some more in Choné:
Archangel Gabriel Salvador
Snow White Vera
Land Rover García
Tranquil Loor
Loved Ecuador
Venus Lollobrigida
Ángel Gaduol Compuesto (local cough medicine) (English equivalent: Angel Robitussin)
Devine Light
Ford Chevrolet
Happy Jungle
Wellread Offer
Bra
Semienchanted
Perfect Heroine
Dumas
Sony
Second Ecuador (Named as such because the grandfather believed there already was a First Ecuador).
Another father named Ramón Falconí Yepes, named his son Rafaye (first two letters of each of his names). They live in nearby Jipijapa.
Lastly, Sunami (after the December 2003 tsunami in Indonesia)
By Mario L. Castellanos, Owner, MLC New Ventures - Technology, Security, Broadcast Communications, and Telecommunications Sectors | News Discussions (1) Latest News | The Geek that Laid the Golden Egg! | 1 comment » | artilib.org | May 6, 2010 | The Geek that Laid the Golden Egg!. Here is an interesting tale about the genius who made billions of dollars from a gadget that cost him practically nothing. Find out what happened to him and why.… | Don't want to receive email notifications? Adjust your message settings. LinkedIn values your privacy. At no time has LinkedIn made your email address available to any other LinkedIn user without your permission. © 2010, LinkedIn Corporation. |
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