Most Active Discussions (3) | The Never Ending Question | 62 comments » | Started by Jodine Ibeme (Jodi) | | Thanks! Bring your popcorn and soda. They're all movies you can rent. Did I forget to mention Clockwork Orange?
By Helene Wong | Discussions (12) | Moaning | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Shane comes home and finds his wife Rita crying.
She says, "I found out from Mrs. Smith that you're having an affair with your secretary. Why would you do that to me? I've always been a good wife...I've cooked for you, raised your children, and I've always been by your side for twenty years. What haven't I done to make you happy?"
Shane says, "It's true, you've been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but one. You never moan when we have sex."
Rita says, "If I moaned when we have sex, you'd stop running around? All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I can moan during sex."
They go to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb in bed. As they start kissing, she says, "Now, Shane? Should I moan now?"
He says, "No, not yet."
He starts fondling her, and she says, "What about now? Should I moan now?"
He says, "No, I'll tell you when."
He climbs on top of her and starts banging her.
She says, "Is it time for me to moan now,?" He says, "Wait, wait...I'll tell you when."
A few minutes later, just seconds before he's going to climax, he says, "Now, Moan. Moan..."
She says, "Oye, you wouldn't believe what a day I had..."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Bunty@Heaven | 1 comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | You didn't finish the joke. The 3rd question was: What is the name of the Lord?
Bunty answered, "Andy". Saint Peter was curious. "Andy"? How did you get that name?
To which Bunty replied, "From the song, you know, Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me...."
By Bob Ochterbeck, Associate at Piper-Morgan Associates | | Woodcutter(Women)-Axe story.. Feel proud to be Women | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | "One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, her axe fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and she needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with her Husband along the riverbank, and her Husband fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my Husband has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with TOM CRUISE "Is this your Husband?" the Lord asked..
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to TOM CRUISE, You would have come up with Nicolas Cage and Brad pitt. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my Husband . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor Women, and am not able to take care
of all three Hubbies, so THAT'S why I said yes to TOM CRUISE."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others..
That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - "WE ARE HONORABLE WOMEN!!!!!!" )
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Do you really want to get hired? Get tried and tested tips to increase your chance of getting that dream job! http://fly2.ws/ea5KPRu | Add a comment » | Started by Sally Carmichael, Human Resources Consultant at NextGen Marketing Professionals | | Get Hired Now! Attend this FREE Webinar and FIND OUT WHAT HIRING MANAGERS LOOK FOR IN APPLICANTS LIKE YOU.http://fly2.ws/ea5KPRu
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By Sally Carmichael, Human Resources Consultant at NextGen Marketing Professionals | | Be Carefull GUYS | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | After a long night of making love to his new girlfriend, Fred notices a photo of a man on her bedside table. At first, he really didn't give it much thought; she had never mentioned it so why should he. But after a month or so he begins to stress about it; even imagining the photo
is staring at him doing the deed It was causing him so much anxiety So he finally decides ask about it. "Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Another boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers. "Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands. "That's me before the surgery"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Why oh WHY??? | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Philip's Screwdriver?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do." is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | "Here kitty, kitty...." | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A frustrated wife got some Viagra for her husband. Her doctor told her to give him one pill a night, and that he would call to check in with her after a week.
That night, the wife popped one pill in her husband's food and got a good rogering.
The next night she gave him two pills. The sex was even greater than the night before.
The following night she decided to give him the whole bottle. The sex was unimaginable.
A week later, the doctor called to check on the patient. The couple's son answered the phone and sounded shaky. The doctor asked to speak to his mother. The son replied that his mother was in the hospital, the maid was pregnant, his butt was hurting, and his dad was standing naked in the front yard, yelling, "Here kitty, kitty...."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | To: All Employees | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Dear Staff, It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Personal Days:Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. Lunch Breaks:Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
Sick Days:We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Restroom Use:Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.
Surgery:As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Blondes Are-Not-So-Dumb Convention | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 80,000 Blondes gathered at Wembley Stadium for a "Blondes-Are-Not-So-Dumb" convention. The master of ceremonies says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not so dumb. Can I have a volunteer?" One pretty little blonde steps up, so the master of ceremonies asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "18." Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
The master of ceremonies says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you here along with media from all over the world, I guess we can give her another chance." So, asks her, "What is 5 plus 5?" After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "90."
The master of ceremonies sighs. Everyone is crestfallen and the blonde starts crying. Again, the 80,000 girls start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance." Unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, the master of ceremonies finally says, "Okay! One more chance. What is 2 plus 2?" After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "4."
The stadium of 80,000 blondes start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | A woman needs only four animals in her life: | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | 1)a mink on her back
2)a jaguar in her garage
3)a tiger in her bed, and
4)a jackass to pay for it all.
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Women Fall Catalogue | Add a comment » | Started by Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | | Once again, the male staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for women of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following courses is required.
Etiquette and Behavior:
EB101: PMS (Preposterous Mood Swings) - Learning To Sleep Over At Mother's
EB102: We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas (Just Wear The Sexy Lingerie I Gave You)
EB103: How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
EB104: Why It Is Unacceptable To Talk About Feminine Hygiene In Mixed Company
EB105: If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
EB106: How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
EB107: Apologizing For Farting When You're On The Toilet Is Not Necessary
General Electives:
GE101: You, The Whining Sex
GE102: Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend
GE103: Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous
GE104: Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most
GE105: Learning To Appreciate Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men
Home Economics:
HE101: You Can Change The Oil Too
HE102: How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug
HE103: How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football
HE104: How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop
HE105: Get A Life - Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself
HE106: How To Close The Garage Door
HE107: How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste
HE108: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
HE109: Why Going To The Bathroom Is Not A Group Activity
HE110: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")
Interpersonal Relationships:
IR101: Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness
IR102: If You Don't Want An Excuse, Don't Demand An Explanation
IR103: Romanticism - The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation
IR104: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching "The Three Stooges"
IR105: Marriage - The Number One Cause Of Divorce
Life Skills:
LS101: Combatting The Impulse To Nag
LS102: Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around
LS103: Balancing A Checkbook - Even You Can Get It Right
LS104: Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility
LS105: Shopping - Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours
LS106: How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia
LS107: Living Without Power Windows - How To Turn A Crank
LS108: How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself
LS109: You Too Can Carry A Backpack
LS110: Dress Like A Slut And Put On Something Sexy - Why It Won't Ruin Your Brain
LS111: Attainable Goal - Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving
LS112: How To Remain Femininely Enticing And Attractive After Menopause
LS113: How To Parallel Park
Sex Education:
SE101: Reasons To Give Head To Your Man
SE102: How To Stay Awake During Sex And Imagine That It Lasted For Over 10 Minutes
SE103: Fall Semester: You Can Use A Bed For More Than Just Sleep Spring Semester: It's Okay To Do It Outside Of The Bedroom
SE104: How To Say "Yes" More Often
SE105: How To Say "No" But Really Mean "Yes"
SE106: Lingerie - The Gift That Keeps On Giving
SE107: Sexual Alternatives For "That Time Of The Month" (formerly called "Any Old Port In A Storm")
SE108: Foreplay (not a required course, for extra credit only)
By Deva Raju, Sr. Technical recruiter at Makro Technologies, Inc | Don't want to receive email notifications? Adjust your message settings. LinkedIn values your privacy. At no time has LinkedIn made your email address available to any other LinkedIn user without your permission. © 2010, LinkedIn Corporation. |
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